A Vision for Women

 Yesterday, as my Golden Retriever, Merlin, and I took our daily walk, we passed by the Islamic mosque not far from our neighborhood. I looked up to see the warming morning sun shining through the metal crescent moon atop the building. Thoughts of Middle Eastern countries where mosques are a common sight came to mind. My immediate opinion was of the women in many of these countries and how repressed they are even today in advancing women's rights.

In Saudi Arabia, for example, women were finally given the right to drive. However, there are many conditions in place, making it difficult for them to do so. Activists were imprisoned immediately before the lifting of the restrictions and remain there, enduring torture. Specific archaic ways, such as parents choosing a husband for their daughter, are ongoing despite protestation.

How fortunate are we to be American women? It hasn't always been this way, as you know. Thankfully, many brave, forward-thinking women preceded us and paved the roads ahead. True, a great deal of work still needs to be done before the playing field can be leveled in various areas.

Just last week, Kamala Harris was sworn in as the first woman elected vice president and the first Asian woman of color.

My vision is that she will be the first of a long line of brilliant, paradigm-changing female political leaders, regardless of race or color, leading the way for all of us.

"You don't make progress by standing on the sidelines, whimpering and complaining. You make progress by implementing ideas." - Shirley Chisholm.

Those of us in the third third of our lives had witnessed major transformations since we were young women when we were considered "the weaker sex."

A few interesting statistics:

- Women are 47% of the U.S. labor force, up from 30% in 1950

- Wages are on the increase, yet for every dollar a man earns, women make only $.83

- We are more likely to have a degree than men

- In 40% of households, women are the primary breadwinners

- We have made important inroads in politics yet are only 20% of Congress and 25% of state legislators

I have a few ambitious plans for the next several years of my life, and excitement is brewing as I picture what I can yet accomplish. I think, no, I know - this is one of the secrets to keeping us young and vital and engaged in life.

What are your intentions in the ensuing years? 

We must have a vision for what American women can accomplish in all capacities. Do you feel as I do that the moment is ideal for us to take a huge leap? 

With a president as compassionate and fair as Joe Biden, a strong, independent First Lady, and a change agent like Kamala Harris, how can we miss?

"Go out on a limb. That's where the fruit is." - Jimmy Carter

xo

Exhale

I held my breath for the first half of the inauguration. 

Like many of you, for the past week or so, I'd been languishing in a state of apprehension and fear leading up to yesterday's swearing-in ceremony.

Then, simply seeing the calm confidence in the eyes of the past presidents as they entered, brought a sense of knowing that all would be well.

It was more than well. It was dignified, uplifting, energizing and, restored my faith that our country would heal and that the healing began as soon as Joe Biden was sworn in as our 46th president.

I am immensely proud of our newly elected president and vice-president and the character, wisdom, and combined determination they possess to bring needed changes to our nation.

Joe Biden and Kamala Harris are precisely what this nation needs to deliver us out of this pandemic, economic crisis, and disharmony that descended upon us like the tornado in the Wizard of Oz.

I'm proud of all Americans for taking their responsibility and voting privilege seriously and delivering our nation into the hands of a respected, experienced and, wise man. 

See, we've had the power all along. We can finally take a much needed exhale. We are going home, again.

xo

Fear and the Inauguration

I usually publish on Thursdays but because of the inauguration on Wednesday, I felt moved to share my thoughts with you now.

Today, two days prior to the swearing-in of our new president, I'm nervous. No, I'm stressed, troubled, and terrified. 

Pro-Trump supporters who stormed the Capitol on January 6 are formulating a plan to disrupt the ceremony and perhaps, to cause harm to our newly elected president and vice-president, and others.

Washington, D.C. is on lockdown. Rigorous precautions are being implemented. Armed troops and beefed up security measures are being put in place to fortify the U.S. Capitol in response to increased fears of domestic terrorism. Still, my fears are not allayed. 

Yesterday, a man was arrested with an "unauthorized" inauguration credential. After searching his vehicle authorities discovered an unregistered, loaded Glock pistol with 509 rounds and 21 shotgun shells. I'm sure he is not alone in his attempt to penetrate security.

Many of us will never forget the horrifying day President Kennedy was shot by a sniper. This is my biggest fear for our new president. With the newest technology available to anyone, an assassin can be miles away and remain undetected. 

I want to scream from the rooftops: Move this inauguration indoors!

Yet there is no guarantee there is safety indoors. There is no telling how deep these mobsters will dig into their bag of tricks filled with hostility and antipathy.

Are you as frightened as I? Do you believe 20,000 National Guardsmen are sufficient to protect the president-elect? Will the "unscalable" barbed wire fence be enough to provide a sense of safety? We do not have the answers. 

I pray that Joe Biden, Kamala Harris, and all the participants engaging in the inauguration will be safe and secure.

I'm keeping the faith, that by this hour, on January 20th, we can take a unified sigh of relief.

xo

  

Unbelievable Yet Not Surprising

I rarely write about politics, however, I cannot keep quiet considering the traumatic events that occurred last week. 

How does one begin to dismantle and understand what transpired on January 6, 2021, at our Capitol? Perhaps the easy answer is; one doesn't. It is incomprehensible that the actions, violence, and destruction that was leveled against our government and lawmakers actually befell our nation in this era of uber security. 

The thing is; there were numerous signs that trouble was imminent. 

For four years this president has given the American public reason to be concerned. In the days leading up to the riots, he encouraged and incited the protestors to "fight like hell". They were akin to hungry lions awaiting their prey.  

Also, Trump, Jr., Rudy Guiliani, and several top Republicans threatened to take back the "stolen election". All insinuated the likelihood that force would be used.

Accounts of the vandalism and ransacking have been on the news non-stop and it is sickening. Yet, I have been drawn to it like a fly to honey. 

Five people have died as a result of this domestic terrorism. Heartbreaking. 

We are holding our collective breath fearing that there will be another assault on or before the inauguration.

How do we remain calm? Is it even possible to continue with a sense of normalcy in the aftermath of the attack on our democracy? I'm saddened by these events as I'm certain you are, as well. 

Once again, we must find deep within us, faith, that those responsible for desecrating our Capitol and the death of Officer Sicknick and others, will be brought to justice. 

We are stalwart Americans and will not permit a reckless, crazed mob to rob us of our rights, our election, our dignity or, our democracy.

xo

Welcome to 2021

 Do you have plans for this new year? Have you made resolutions you are determined to accomplish?

I thought I'd begin my project of plans and goals by making a "To Do List" of sorts.  I did not expect it to be several pages. Yes, I've probably gone into more detail than necessary, still the list is lengthy and I am not deterred.

Much of what is on this list are items I planned on completing in 2020 - however, I, along with the rest of the world, was met with an alarming roadblock known as Covid-19.  The projects I'm referring to are mainly changes I planned on making in and around our home. I put all these on hold as I was afraid to have workmen in our home during this terribly contagious time. 

I was even apprehensive about going to Home Depot or other garden stores for fear of catching the virus, so I did not plant one flower the entire year.

The vaccine is on it's way. True, it is not a cure-all, but I do feel that the end of the pandemic is in sight and I am feeling more optimistic than I have been in many months, thus, the long list of projects.

More important than these projects around the home is what is going on inside of me. Paradoxically, despite my optimism, I often have a feeling of dread. Perhaps the end of the pandemic really is not just around the corner. Then I remind myself, I must stay open and receptive to life. This is not the time to shut down, it is the time to power up.

We have been abiding by the CDC recommendations to wear a mask, wash and sanitize hands, cell phones, door knobs, on and on ad infinitum. Again, this may seem counterintuitive, but for me it has created an atmosphere of doom not one of safety.

It is time to take back our lives. Yes, continue to listen to the science of safety recommendations but for Pete's sake, let's remember we are brave and smart, competent, caring and careful. We have much to look forward to in the upcoming year and many opportunities for growth and learning, friendship and love, giving and sharing. Let us be grateful for all we have and the lessons we have learned this year. Let's be at peace and learn to appreciate life - with all it's ups and downs.

"Above all, be the heroine of your life, not the victim." Nora Ephron.

xo

Addendum:

I could not publish this post, that was written several days ago, without saying how devastated and heartbroken I am by the desecration of our Capitol Building and our democracy, by the protestors, rather hoodlums, that attacked and overran the offices of our lawmakers. These people were incited by a president who is now responsible for one of the saddest days in the history of our nation. I'm sure you are as shocked and horrified as I am.

We are only two weeks away from Joe Biden's inauguration.  I am sure that decency, respect, integrity, fairness, calm and peace will be restored. 

Bye-Bye, So Long 2020 - Hello to Hope

 To say this was a year unlike any other in modern history is putting it mildly. The word 'unprecedented' has been widely overused, but it fits.

2020 began like any other year - with expectations and optimistic plans, knowing that it was the President's last year of his term. The election gave us hope that we could restore harmony after enduring the ongoing hostility fueled by this divisive President.

Almost before we could pen our resolutions for the new year, we were sideswiped with the Coronavirus. As we know, it spread like wildfire and is still raging as I write. This virus devastated our nation with the loss of over 333,000 lives and 19 million recorded infections. 

How will we ever be able to thank our health care and front line workers for risking their lives and for all they've sacrificed in order to help those in need? 

The unemployment rate reached nearly 15%, the highest since the Great Depression. Many lost their businesses, their jobs and their hope.

More tragedy as George Floyd, Breonna Taylor and many other Black Americans were killed by police, unleashing riots and more killings.

In addition, we lost many irreplaceable men and women including Ruth Bader Ginsburg, Kobe Bryant, John Lewis, Alex Trebek and Chadwick Boseman.

Add to this, the horrific fires in California leaving many dead, and thousands homeless.

The good news; neighbors checking in on one another, we're cooking at home and eating more healthily and becoming creative with exercise. I, for one, noticed many more folks out walking and hiking than before the pandemic. Working from home has become the norm and many companies will continue this realizing the cost savings and increase in productivity. In addition, working from home has resulted in a cleaner, less polluted environment.

Four long days of holding our breath until Joe Biden and Kamala Harris were at last declared the victors of the election. Hope, once again prevails.

Yes, our lives have been changed forever, and God willing our voices and  tenacity will once again raise our nation up. We have a compassionate, resolute and wise new President and able, competent Vice President to lead us forward.

Happy New Year and let's look forward to a productive, peaceful and healthy 2021.

xo

Winter Holidays Unlike Any Other

 What a year we've had. It's not quite wrapped up, yet the end is in sight. This doesn't mean that the issues we've lived through are over, and uncertainty still hovers over us, however, we have so much good news to celebrate.

The first vaccine has been rolled out and our tireless and dedicated first responders and medical workers are being inoculated across the country. The second pharmaceutical company's vaccine has also arrived and is in the process of being distributed, as well.

Finally, the official Electoral College ratified Joe Biden as our 46th president, regardless of what Mr. Trump and certain Republicans profess. In the not too distant future, our new President and Vice-president will be sworn in and a new era will begin.

This holiday we have much to be grateful for. I'm optimistic that the people of this great country will unite and realize that despite our political or religious differences, the color of our skin or our economic status, we are the same. We all hurt when our loved ones are in pain and rejoice when there is success. We must feel sadness in order to feel real joy. An open heart is the only way to live.

We may be celebrating with our families via Zoom - still Christmas, Hanukkah or any of the many other festivities that may be planned are important and we are fortunate to be alive to enjoy them. Time is a gift. I feel blessed every morning when I've been graced with another day. We must enjoy the present - every second of it.  Let us ask what can I appreciate today and how can I share it? 

I'm sure you too, have mixed feelings about the holidays. This year has been a year unlike any we could have imagined or have lived through and the holidays will also be extraordinary and unusual, nevertheless, the end of the pandemic appears to be in sight and we must keep the faith that all will be well.

My wish to you is a memorable holiday filled with joy, laughter and hope. 

xo

Disappointments

 How do you react when life throws you a curve? Or a disappointment? Are you distressed, calm, angry? Or optimistic that perhaps it's for the best?

My husband and I were planning on spending the upcoming holidays with my family in California. I usually fly out a week or so ahead to visit with loved ones and to prepare for our Christmas celebration. Due to the coronavirus I decided not to fly but to drive with hubby a few days before Christmas. 

Suddenly, those plans were derailed due to recent restrictions in the Bay Area. A new stay-at-home order has been enacted and our plans have been dashed. 

I was willing to go anyway. After all, we're only seeing family. The restrictions couldn't possibly keep us from our loved ones - or could they? 

My sweet husband (sometimes known as the Grinch) reminded me that yes - this does apply to us even if we only plan on visiting family. 

I did not take to this news graciously, especially since we spent Thanksgiving alone. This is not fair.

But wait. I'm healthy and safe. My loved ones are, as well. How can I be so self-serving, and insensitive? We're in the middle of the greatest pandemic our country has encountered and I'm whining about not seeing my son and my other loved ones when there are thousands who have lost their beloveds?

"We either make ourselves miserable, or we make ourselves strong. The amount of work is the same." -Carlos Castaneda.

 I understand that some setbacks and mishaps are more serious than others so our level of upset or sadness will vary. Then again, can we see these setbacks as part of our journey? Perhaps a part of our perfectly designed path? Is it possible to say - I may not like it but this is the way it is now and be grateful for what we do have?

"Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom." - Viktor Frankl.

My lesson here is to take a moment to rest in that "space" before I react, take a breath and then respond, thoughtfully.

Again, the question is; are you able to act calmly in the face of disappointments?  I know, there's no easy or simple answer. It is something that we most likely will continue to work on for as long as we're alive. 

xo

Forming Us

Recently I was led through a meditation where I peered into my childhood. Years ago, I made peace with what I perceived as a trying time, as I know many of you have as well. Yet, it can be therapeutic to revisit, especially since I've been able to craft a lovely life for myself and my family. I also believe it is important to share our pain, healed or not, and allow our vulnerabilities to emerge.

What was your childhood like? It is said that more than anything else, our parentage formed us. Some say we were influenced by our peers and teachers, often more than our parents, and I do agree that these individuals had a major impact on who we have become as adults. However, for me, it was my relationship with my father that shaped me most profoundly.

My father had deep seated anger that I could not attempt to understand or unravel even now as an adult.  He was moody. He could be happy and easy going yet could morph into an ornery, loud bully in a heartbeat and without warning or obvious provocation.

This behavior was frightening to me. I was born a year after my sister and five and a half years before my brother and sister, who are twins. Luckily for the younger ones, he didn't brandish his fury on them.

My older sister and I suffered my father's wrath quite often. As children this was not only scary but confusing. Often we didn't know what we did to incite this rage in him. Other times, it could be something as benign as leaving our roller skates in the driveway. In those days, hitting a child wasn't considered the offense that it is today. Suffice it to say that my sister and I were the frequent recipients of his leather belt onto our backs and bottoms.

For me, this treatment resulted in me becoming a "people pleaser".  I did whatever I could to impress upon him that I was a "good" girl. I wanted him to see me as smart and competent and polite. However, no matter what I did, I could not please him for long. There was always a blunder or slip-up I committed to once again infuriate him.

Where was my mother, you may wonder? She was a kind, sweet but overwhelmed parent yet did her best to calm my father, usually unsuccessfully. 

This is a story, of course. Yet it was and is true for me. It is part of my history and there is so much more to me and like all of you, whatever we've experienced as children, remains a part of us. The trick, of course, is not to become a victim but to rise above it and become all that we can be.

Some of you have suffered much more serious and challenging childhoods than I. Conversely, there are those of you who were fortunate to have parents who strived to be and do the best for their children.

Regardless of our upbringing, it is up to us to know that, ultimately, we are responsible to become the best person we can be. The best is different for each of us. For me, I am happy with what I have achieved in my life. Nevertheless, I am continuing to learn, grow, love and share the joy with anyone I am privileged to have in my life.

The wise words of Ella Fitzgerald: "It isn't where you come from; it's where you're going that counts".

xo

Fear

"Life shrinks or expands according to one's courage." - Anais Nin, author.

We all feel fear. It's a normal emotion. The coronavirus is to be feared. The reality of this hit home when our dear friend Paige, was diagnosed with it and admitted to the hospital. Her admittance reminded us that we are all vulnerable and need to rigorously heed the warnings given to us by the CDC and medical experts. I know, we're all being careful. Still, reminders are helpful.

Besides coronavirus, I believe it is good to be afraid at times. If we're never afraid, it simply means we are staying inside our comfort zones. There is no growth in that zone. Growth and learning requires us to step outside of our safe havens and pursue our dreams.

When fear stops us from being the person we want to be is when it becomes problematic. Even at this point in our lives when we have accomplished so much we may still aspire to do and be more, yet fear is holding us back. 

We can have many excuses that allows fear to overtake us and we back away from our dreams. Our excuses can be varied, as in: I'm too old, I don't have a degree or the money or the time. How about what will "they" think or I may look dumb. Or my partner, children, grandchildren, friends need me. The list of excuses is endless. However, it all boils down to FEAR.

The most successful women in the world have been afraid. Consider Georgia O'Keefe, the prolific painter,  who admitted: "I've been absolutely terrified every moment of my life and I've never let it keep me from doing a single thing that I wanted to do". We all are familiar with her inspiring and innovative paintings. She didn't let fear stop her from creating her art.

My friend Morgan, bought a new home and proceeded to have a pickle ball court built on her property. In addition, she is working with craftsmen and designing a ramada, paver paths to delineate seating areas, had an attractive fence built around the court and is adding other amenities to have the home of her dreams. She is a single woman without the support of a partner to help with decisions. Sure, she has friends to bounce ideas off - still this is a purposeful act of courage. She has put fear aside and is taking action.

Susie Moore, author of What If It Does Work Out?, says: "Feeling fear and stepping backward rather than taking a step forward may feel like a safe option, but it actually isn't. You're not adding more to your life or being more powerful in life. The actions we take in our lives [that require courage] are always our proudest moments."

I concur. My last occupation was as a wardrobe consultant and personal shopper. I loved clothes but my only experience in fashion was in retail women's wear. As a young woman I wanted to go into the  fashion world but my father prohibited it unless I went to his art school. I was stubborn and declined.  Truth be told I was terrified.

Many, many years later I finally ventured out and started my own business. I was excited yet afraid, however, I knew it was now or never. It was hard work and I loved it and it definitely was in the top ten of my aspirations. I was successful and it was extremely gratifying work to help women look and feel fashionable, pretty and professional. 

Is there an adventure or dream you are forsaking due to fear?  I say discard that apprehension and go for it.

"Death is not our greatest fear. Our greatest fear is reaching death and having never truly lived." - attributed to Ben Hardy.

xo

(Names have been changed to protect the innocent!)

A Thanksgiving Like No Other

"What matters most is how well you walk through the fire." - Henry C. Bukowski, poet & novelist 

This year Thanksgiving will be unlike any we have ever had or could possibly imagine. When I canceled our annual St. Patrick's Day party last March because of Covid we thought for sure we'd be back to entertaining within a few months but eight months? It is so difficult to comprehend the immense consequences this disease has leveled on our nation. Looking at the tragedy of it, having a Thanksgiving at all is a gift.

We may be sharing Thanksgiving via Zoom without our loved ones in person, but we are doing our best to manage the situation.

We still have so much to be grateful for. Some of us have lost our beloveds, yet, as impossible as it may appear, can we find gratitude in the years we did have with them? We can reach out to others by phone or text to share our love and thanks. We can offer food to those who are unable to feed their families. We can give a monetary donation to food banks that will help serve now and in the future.

We still are blessed. We still have hope. We have a new President, and yes, it is a difficult and dangerous time right now for our country until the transition of power from the former President to President- elect Biden is completed. Still, I have profound hope and faith that all will be resolved.

I know how fortunate I am that I have a loving husband, son, sisters and brother and my extended family on hubby's side. I consider myself privileged to have the dear friends I have who lift me up when I need that and I can support them as well. We have fun and laughter and stories to share. 

Indeed, we have so many reasons to give thanks.

I wish you all a sweet, joyful and scrumptious Thanksgiving.

xo