You Were Born Creative-Now Own It to Design Your Life

 

We can all live a creative life even if we believe we’re not creative.

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I figured out how to live in two different states. Ninety or so percent of the time, I live in Arizona with my husband and sweet Golden Retriever, Merlin.

The balance of my time is spent in California.  I resided here for over 40 years, and it's where my two sons were born and raised. I have a deep love and connection to this part of the country. There is no way I would permanently forsake it.

Fortunately, the two states are less than a two-hour plane ride away from one another. Flying back and forth is an easy transition.

When my sweetie and I reconnected after many years and decided we wanted to marry, the decision of where to live arose, of course.

Since I had previously downsized from my house and moved to a small apartment and hubby had a large home in Arizona, the decision was an easy one.

This is creative living manifested. Both of us loved our states of residence. Bill’s house is large, spacious, and comfy — plus a pool for our large dog to swim and a yard to roam and explore.

I had free reign — more or less — to bring in my decorating style so his home would feel like our home. More creativity in action.

I am keeping my lovely apartment that is filled with art I have created and decorated with love.

Bill doesn’t care to travel to California with me often as he feels a bit confined as it’s small. That works for me. I am free to visit my family and friends while he is comfortable at home in Arizona.

This is creative living for us.

As Henri Matisse said: “Creativity takes courage.”

For 20 years or so, my dear friend Jennifer was a chef with a thriving catering business.

Jen’s husband is a photographer with a large studio where he taught classes and engaged in all types of processing and workshops. He also led field trips to various countries for emerging and established photographers. Their life was full and brimming with artistic pursuits.

Now they are reassessing life and tossing ideas to one another as to their next step.

Jennifer retired from catering and the responsibility of running the show. Now, rather than being the boss, she supports friends in their businesses when help is needed. She can continue to keep her hands in the food industry she so loves. Generous and smart creativity.

The considerations for the photography studio are: downsizing — moving to a smaller place and cutting back on classes, etc., or perhaps going online exclusively.

Jen and Sam are considering renting out their home to be able to travel. The Airbnb income would give them funds to support their trips.

Their prospects are exciting and creative.

As Pablo Picasso so eloquently said:

"Learn the rules like a pro, so you can break them like an artist."

I began writing for Medium in January of this year. It’s my new artistic outlet.

Prior to Medium, I wrote and still do on my blog — publishing every Thursday since December 2018 — never missed a week.

Before writing, I designed collages, and before that — painting landscapes and still lifes were my interest.

What do you love to do? Where is your imagination taking you?

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You’re not creative, you say? Of course, you are. If you are breathing — you’re creative.

I love what Elizabeth Gilbert says in her book Big Magic:

"Are you considering becoming a creative person? Too late, you already are one. To even call somebody “a creative person” is almost laughably redundant; creativity is the hallmark of our species. We have the senses for it; we have the curiosity for it; we have the opposable thumbs for it; we have the rhythm for it; we have the language and the excitement and the innate connection to divinity for it."

Try writing, pottery, take a class in flower arranging, a sculpture workshop — the choices are endless. You were born curious — rediscover what excites and motivates you.

Creativity is inherent within you. Find it, release it and go forth to design a life that is as individual as you are.

Our Incessant Chattering Mind

 

The chattering mind is part of being alive and kicking.

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The constant chatter in my head drives me crazy at times.

What is this all about? Does everyone have it? Yes, I believe everyone does possess this ongoing discourse, sometimes known as a nuisance.

At other times this voice is guidance. It can warn us of impending danger or remind us of an important task we need to accomplish. 

I love it when ideas drop in because of the chatter. That is exactly how this article came to be.

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I’m out for my morning exercise, walking along the creek observing several giant birds gathered on a muddy island. It’s low tide, so this tiny island has appeared and is a welcome resting place for these creatures.

My mind is wrestling with questions and concerns about these odd-looking birds. What are they? Turkey vultures or wild turkeys? Why are they here? Questions abound unanswered.

I’m a curious person, and I want clarification. My mind is turning over possible answers. I have forsaken my plan for a quiet, serene walk, giving my mind a respite from the jabbering.

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Yesterday I spent the day with my son, and our conversation turned to this subject of mind talk — giving birth to this article.

He, too, suffers from it. Suffer is a word I use for the times the chatter is an annoyance and not a help. However, as I said, we need this voice. 

It is the voice of reason, of intellect, of creativity. Without this voice, we would perish.

The trick is how to calm it when it is not serving us? How to quiet the mind?

For sure, meditation is a welcome remedy. The problem is thoughts appear during meditation, as well as during the usual “operating hours.” Yogis advise us to let those thoughts wander on by and not give them any mind when meditating.

Continued practice of letting the thoughts go will make it easier to quiet the mind in the future, albeit easier said than done.

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It was Budda who coined the term Monkey Mind thousands of years ago, stating:

"Just as a monkey swinging through the trees grabs one branch and lets it go only to seize another, so too, that which is called thought, mind, or consciousness arises and disappears continually both day and night."

 

Monkey Mind is described as a mind that is unsettled, capricious, restless, whimsical, and fanciful.

I like the idea of a whimsical and fanciful mind — it’s appealing to me. Unsettled, capricious, restless? Not so much.

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I have a relative, a young woman concerned with her future. She wonders if she is achieving all she could at this age. Is there something else she is meant to do? Shouldn’t she be a homeowner by now, she asks? Or married? At the very least, have a boyfriend?

She is plagued by the neverending questions pulling at her mind, the incessant monkey mind.

It is in these moments that the mind needs to take a break. We can give it a rest by taking a breath, a purposeful breath.

Maybe take that breath a step further by concentrating on your breathing or chanting a favorite word or phrase to change the course of your thinking. In other words — meditate.

Being fully aware that our thoughts are going into places we don’t want to venture is the clue to take a mindful breath, at the very least, if meditation is not possible.

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Taming the monkey mind is critical to living a peaceful life. It isn’t once and done, though. The management of our chatter is an ongoing process.

Allow the positive thoughts to thrive while giving notice to the unproductive ones that their time is up.

We have beautiful, brilliant, and creative minds capable of designing a life we cherish. 

"In the attitude of silence, the soul finds the path in a clearer light, and what is elusive and deceptive resolves itself into crystal clearness. "— Mahatma Gandhi.

Breaking Up Is Hard to Do

 

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How do we know it’s time to end a relationship?

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Breaking up is hard to do. Do not indulge in guilt — when the time has come — you must do it.

My dear friend is unhappy in her marriage.

I believe it’s time for me to end a friendship that has fizzled out. Ending a relationship — is painful, even when it’s the right thing to do. Right perhaps, for at least one of us.

Friendship:

My friend Dan and I met at a personal development seminar several years ago. The facilitator matched us up as partners for the 12-week course, and a friendship was born.

Self-development and our life goals were predominately the basis for our friendship in the early years. Later I welcomed Dan into my creative life by inviting him to museums, galleries, various art shows, and exhibits I attended.

Dan is a gay man and always had entertaining stories to tell me about his relationships. We enjoyed “educating” one another, laughing our way through many afternoons and evenings.

Until we no longer did.

I began to grow weary of picking up the tab. Dan was often out of work due to a myriad of absurd excuses.

I gently attempted to make him aware that his failure to stay employed was a detriment to his self-esteem along with other drawbacks — namely, my growing annoyance at his sponging.

There is a belief in the Buddist tradition called “idiot compassion”:

You avoid rocking the boat to spare people’s feelings, even though the boat needs rocking and your compassion ends up being more harmful than your honesty. Its opposite is “wise compassion” which means caring about the person but also giving him or her a loving truth bomb when needed. — Lori Gottlieb, author of Maybe You Should Talk to Someone.

Dan’s solution to the unemployment issue was to move clear across the country to live in his mother’s house since it was empty following her move to a retirement facility. Zero rent, more freeloading.

Our friendship consisted of texting or phone calls every few months or so, dwindling with every passing year for the next few years.

Knowing I visit San Francisco often, Dan called me to get together during an upcoming trip he’s planning to the city.

As it happens, I will be in San Francisco then. I mentioned to my son that Dan would be coming, yet I was conflicted about whether I wanted to take the time to see him. Nick pointed out; he is no longer a friend if you aren’t sure you want to see him.

That was a clarifying moment.

And, synchronicity’s timing was perfect. Dan’s arrival is now scheduled for several days after I depart. I’m not sure how this friendship will unfold. It’s growing toxic and frustrating for me.

Perhaps the time has come for me to take my advice!

People come into our lives for a reason, a season, or a lifetime.

I’m not sure who the author of this phrase is, but Dan was in my life for a season, and for the most part, I am grateful for him and the fun, lighthearted times we had.

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You cannot change the people around you. But you can change the people your choose to be around. — Anonymous.

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Photo by Gemma Evans on Unsplash

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It happened to me.

I met Irene, a talented artist, through a mutual friend. We enjoyed an evenly balanced camaraderie for a couple of years, although I recognized a smidge of self-centeredness occurring from time to time.

Her self-preoccupation increased so that Irene seldom showed any interest in my life. It isn’t easy to sustain a friendship when there is rarely a dialogue. It was always an Irene monologue.

Our friendship collapsed following her rant that no one (except for me) remembered her birthday. She railed her friends don’t care about her, no one appreciates her, on and on. As delicately as possible, I suggested that to have friends who care about you, you must be a friend to them.

Irene erupted, screaming how heartless I am to speak to her that way. She ordered me to leave her home immediately. I gladly complied, leaving behind the meal I brought to celebrate her birthday.

I was dumped. I had no desire to salvage the relationship. I’m guilt-free.

Irene was in my life, and I was in hers for a reason. The purpose of discussing various art forms was satisfied and concluded.

Perhaps with you, as well — some friendships are nurtured for many decades, others come and go throughout our lifetime. These relationships are lovely when we have a commonality.

Circumstances, people, interests are constantly in flux. So with relationships. When a friendship fades away naturally, it’s an easy transition and part of the human experience.

Spouse Relationship:

My friend Danielle moved cross-country after she remarried. Her second union was to a wonderful man she met through work. She admired, respected, and loved him, and within a year, they married.

Both Danielle and her new husband, Tom, were high achievers in their field and combined forces to build a successful company. The business and the couple prospered for several years until a former partner sued them. Sadly, they lost everything. Life for Danielle and Tom took a drastic turn.

Changes:

Tom lost his oomph while Danielle pressed ahead with a new venture, attaining success once again.

Tom gained enormous weight, began drinking daily, took a menial job in retail, and drove an Uber in his off-hours. He was no longer the man she fell in love with and married.

After some years, Danielle began to grow tired of being the primary breadwinner. Tom wasn’t performing at his capable, higher-level, or pulling his financial weight. She was falling out of love and losing respect and admiration for the man she once adored.

Without respect, it’s difficult, if not impossible, to love that person.

To add to her grief, she was experiencing deep feelings of guilt, as though she was abandoning him.

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We marry for better or worse. Or do we? Does our spouse have a duty to hold up his end of the marriage contract? When do we know it’s okay to concede defeat and move on?

Do we stay because we took vows? Or do we owe it to ourselves to live the best life we can and not spend any more days attempting to help our partner return to the person he once was? Especially if he chooses not to help himself.

Leaving a marriage is heartbreaking for both parties — even when children are not a part of it. We can feel humiliated and defeated, akin to the captain deserting his sinking ship.

The decision to leave or stay is complex and different for each of us, weighing the possible consequences judiciously. After all — we put our body and soul into this union — leaving is hard.

Facing a relationship we choose to end is also part of being human, albeit — an unpleasant passage. I know you have experienced this, as well.

God willing, breaking up sans guilt is the best choice for both of us.

Quick Jolts of Joy

Sometimes joy is unexpected, and other times we can ignite it.

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A tide of joy flows in —  out of nowhere and into my heart. Where the heck did this come from?

I will be moseying along through my day, and I’ll get this jolt of joy.

Has that ever happened to you? It’s an unexpected rush of cheer. I’m not sure from where it came or why it landed on me. However, I am grateful it did.

Is the Universe reminding me how blessed I am? It’s not as though I don’t know how fortunate I am. I do. However, when this unforeseen wave of pleasure settles over me, I’m delighted. It’s an unexpected gift.

"Joy is a net of love. "— Mother Teresa.

It doesn’t matter if my husband and I disagreed the moment prior. Without me actively taking part, all is forgiven and settled after the arrival of this gift.

I get a clear and distinct view that all is well in my world.

It’s not as though I don't have troubles or heartache present. Of course, I do, just like all of you. 

I am dealing with sciatica pain, concerned about a good friend who has Alzheimer’s, and the never-ending sorrow over the loss of a beloved son.

However, these heartaches disintegrate immediately upon the appearance of this jolt of joy.

Often I will spark a hit of joy by acknowledging all I’ve been blessed with and taking a moment out of my day to say “thank you” to God. Usually, I do this when I’m feeling cranky or irritable — and annoyed with myself for feeling this way.

Gratitude never fails to instill joy into my heart. 

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I am reminded of one of my favorite quotes:

"I am the master of my fate; I am the captain of my soul." — William Henley, English violinist, and composer.

I’ve also discovered that a few simple, conscious deep breaths can also trigger a wave of joy. How reassuring it is that we have this power.

Another way joy drops into my heart is by purposely reminding myself of an accomplishment I may have taken for granted.

Yesterday as I was driving home from grocery shopping, I was suddenly reminded (why I don’t know) — that I am a sober person. No, I didn’t forget that I’d quit drinking, yet I rarely think about it.

I enjoyed my wine and cocktails for several decades — quitting two and a half years ago. It’s a re-lived thrill when I acknowledge what an achievement this is. Pride and joy fill my heart.

Stoking the embers of joy is always available to us. Joy at any moment — what a treasure.

Yes, we are the masters and captains of our lives — whether the jolt of joy arrives from the ethers or we prompted it. 

Grab hold of that joy and say thank you to whomever it is you believe in.