Remembrance

 Today, October 28, 2020 is the fifth anniversary of the death of my dear son, Anthony.

Anthony was a remarkable young man, and by example, taught me so much about life and living. He demonstrated independence, courage, tenacity, resilience, passion and optimism.

Anthony was only 36 when he passed from complications after surgery for ulcerative colitis. He died young yet he lived a more fulfilled and impassioned life than many who achieve old age. 

As a young boy, he was drawn to the sea and began sailing at age 12. At 21 he left our home in California and headed to Hawaii, working on a dinner cruise and fishing during time off. A year later he moved to Kennebunkport, Maine becoming a lobsterman, fisherman and adventurous sailor. He was the first mate on a yacht that sailed across the Atlantic to Europe and beyond. As I said, he lived a very full and ebullient life.

Though I miss Anthony every day, I know that death does not end a relationship, as there is no endpoint to love and loss. I know, many of you have also endured the passing of a loved one, so you know whereof I speak. We will not get through this life without experiencing the heartbreaking death of a beloved.

So, I say - Carpe' the hell out of this diem! Tomorrow is not promised.

My dear Anthony, thank you for choosing me to be your mom for almost 37 years.

As the Persian mystic; Rumi said: "Goodbyes are only for those who love with their eyes. Because for those who love with their heart and soul, there is no such thing as separation".

xo

An Organized Route to Creativity

About 20 years ago I decided it was time to give up the notion that I had zero artistic talent, even though my dad informed me when I was a young child this was so. He was an artist, so he should know, right?

In spite of this, I gathered my courage and my long suppressed desire to be creative and signed up for an adult education class at a local high school in Marin County. The class, called The Artist's Way, was based on the book written by Julia Cameron, an award-winning writer with credits in film, television, theater and journalism.

We gathered in a classroom, about 25 of us, mostly middle-aged women, hoping to discover our latent artistic selves. It was a 12 week foray aimed at freeing people's creativity. Ms. Cameron believes The Artist's Way is a spiritual path toward creativity and I agree. There isn't any praying, chanting or any of that sort of thing, however, a belief that there is a "something" greater than us is a huge help in uncovering our creativity. According to the artist, Robert Motherwell; "In the brush doing what it's doing, it will stumble on what one couldn't do by oneself."

There are two pivotal tools in creative recovery: The morning pages and the artist date. The morning pages are three pages of writing long hand in a notebook or journal first thing in the morning - "stream of consciousness writing". Simply write whatever comes to mind for three pages and if you run out of ideas - write: "I've run out of ideas" repeatedly until three pages are filled up. More than likely, something will pop into your mind to put on the paper. Then do it again tomorrow. It's non-negotiable. I'm a daily journalist - always have been, but even for me, three pages was a lot. Yet, I did it religiously for 12 weeks.

More fun is the artist date. This is where you set aside a few hours once a week to take yourself on an excursion committed to nurturing your creative consciousness. This is a date sans friends, family, children or errands. Yes, you are completely on your own. I have taken myself to the movies, to museums, botanical gardens, to bookstores to browse and read and purchase whatever yummy novel or non-fiction caught my attention.

According to the author: "Doing your morning pages, you are sending - notifying yourself and the universe of your dreams, dissatisfactions, hopes. Doing your artist date, you are receiving - opening yourself to insight, inspiration, guidance."

These exercises "fill the well, and stock the pond" of your creativity, she advises us. It worked for me and hundreds of others.

Don't tell yourself it's too late, or that people will think you've lost it, or creativity is a luxury. You are a creative. All women are. We were born that way - even if you're not quite certain what your creative avenue is yet. We get so busy having careers, being moms and wives and partners and being
supportive to others. This may be your time - to support yourself in a creative endeavor.

xo

Mental Illness or Covid Anxiety

 There is a young rapper named Logic who suffers from anxiety. He was brave enough to write a song about his experience with depression and anxiety. The name of the song is "1-800-273-8255." That is also the number of the National Suicide Prevention Hotline. "I made this song for all of you who are in a dark place and can't seem to find the light." Even though he was never suicidal, he did end up in the hospital due to severe anxiety attacks. Huge financial success with the release of two albums did not bring him comfort. He has found peace now with his role as a husband and a new dad.

Those suffering from anxiety, bi-polar or other pre-existing mental health issues may find their symptoms exacerbating.  

During this uncertain and tumultuous time many of us are experiencing disturbing and unsettling feelings. There are days I am feeling agitated and frustrated. I can't identify exactly why. At times it can be a general feeling of unrest. Most days, however,  I'm upbeat and motivated. I have absolutely no explanation for the disparity. 

Whether it's a mental health issue or anxiety strictly due to the pandemic, it is clear that people are suffering. 

There is a tremendous sense of loss in our country right now. For one thing, our freedom to simply be out and about is severely curtailed if not eliminated entirely. It is uncertain when and how this virus will be eradicated. We feel powerless over decisions we once took for granted. And for many, there is overwhelming boredom.

No matter where you are on the spectrum of mental health, there are things we can do to help curtail our stress. 

They are the tried and true suggestions that keep appearing - and it's because they work: Reach out to others. Knowing you are not alone can be a badly needed salve. Make a phone call to a dear friend. It may be exactly what she needed, as well. Exercise - even if all you can manage is a 15 minute walk around the block. Be sure you're getting plenty of sleep. Eat well. I know, that bowl of ice cream is soothing, so go ahead, have it - just be mindful of the amount so you won't be regretting it next week! Gratitude and meditation work wonders for me. If I stop during the day and remember all I have to be thankful for, it can be an immediate boost to my mood. Starting the day with a meditation is helpful for some, myself included.

A process that younger people use frequently is talking about mental illness and feelings of anxiety with their peers. This helps to diminish the stigma previously surrounding mental illness. Let us embrace this practice, as well.

I also believe it is exceedingly important that you give yourself permission to be proud of yourself. We have been enduring this difficult situation for at least seven months and we are tenacious. We are courageous. We have heart. And we have one another.

xo

Resilience

 Resilience: 1. the capacity to recover quickly from difficulties, toughness. 2. The ability of a substance or object to spring back into shape, elasticity.

Resilience has been described as our ability to recover from adversity.

I don't agree with the dictionary definition of resilience as recovering quickly from adversity. I believe one can be resilient even though recovery may take awhile. It can take time to regain one's footing after a scary cancer diagnosis has been delivered. Once the news has been absorbed, the patient can become resilient and be fully willing to undergo whatever measures need to be taken to be well again.

Psychologists say that resilience can be learned. It's not something we either have or we don't have, according to the site Happify. If you want to bounce back after a setback, you must expect that good things will happen. 

Optimism is the single biggest factor in recovering from adversity. It's what makes some of us seek out solutions to our troubles instead of pulling the covers over our heads, according to Phyllis Zilkha, PhD, clinical psychologist in Manhattan. 

Coincidently, I'm reading "Man's Search for Meaning" by Viktor Frankl, about the time he spent in concentration camps during the Holocaust. This post about resilience did not come about as a result of reading this book, however, no one was more resilient than Dr. Frankl and other prisoners brave enough to envision more than what their horrific surroundings indicated. 

He writes: "...in the final analysis it becomes clear that the sort of person the prisoner became was the result of an inner decision, and not the result of camp influences alone." "It is this spiritual freedom which cannot be taken away - that makes life meaningful and purposeful."

Once again, this is an horrifically extreme case yet proves that resilience is something we can summon up from deep within and it can be learned.

We are in month six of the Covid pandemic, months into racial unrest, deep into the political campaign and doing our best to put a smile on our faces. In addition, each one of us has personal crosses to bear. Yes, we are tough. We are optimistic yet realistic. We are resilient. 

xo

Having a Purpose As We Age

If we're alive, we're aging. Seems obvious, I know - and the question that begs to be asked is: How well are you aging?

It is believed that those that have a reason to get out of bed every day, a purpose to open those peepers and say thank you for another day - not only live longer, but are flourishing and living healthier and happier lives.

What is it that inspires you? Motivates you to get those boots on the ground, so to speak? Are you an exerciser happily anticipating your morning walk, hike or run or getting out in the morning air to walk Fido?

Are you an artist and look forward to painting, or a writer penning your memoir or blog? A chef planning your next scrumptious meal?

Having a hobby or passion helps to keep us inspired, vital, young and energized. It keeps the old brain from getting stagnant and bored. It's never too late to conceive and uncover new goals and skills as we navigate each new chapter of life.

Dan Buettner, the Blue Zones expert says: "Frame purpose not as something you find but rather as something you develop - meaning that instead of seeking it out, you may need to look at what you already have and find purpose within it".

My friend, Jennifer, recently retired from her catering business. She is an extremely talented and accomplished chef and has begun compiling a cookbook for her two adult children. It will contain favorite family recipes in addition to dishes she often prepared for catering events. Not only is she putting the recipes together but they will be accompanied by stories of how the recipe came to be. It is still in the infant stages, however, many friends, including myself - would love a copy of it.

Especially now, during these challenging times, it is even more crucial to have a purpose that will give our days direction. Regardless of our age, many of us have only scratched the surface of our potential. What is still possible for you to discover?

I'm fortunate that this little blog keeps me busy. I can write a post quickly - yet I'm always editing, adjusting, changing it. Constantly researching ideas to write about, curious about so many subjects to explore that the days fly by.

Plus, I'm so excited that pickle ball is back in my life. Several friends and I have begun playing once again after many months of being afraid to venture out onto the courts after they reopened. We are keeping to ourselves and not mingling with others in order to stay safe. This game is an absolute passion for many of us.

I know so many of you are talented, curious and life long learners with many interests and I say brava!

As Mary Oliver poetically wrote: "Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?"

xo