Bye-Bye, So Long 2020 - Hello to Hope

 To say this was a year unlike any other in modern history is putting it mildly. The word 'unprecedented' has been widely overused, but it fits.

2020 began like any other year - with expectations and optimistic plans, knowing that it was the President's last year of his term. The election gave us hope that we could restore harmony after enduring the ongoing hostility fueled by this divisive President.

Almost before we could pen our resolutions for the new year, we were sideswiped with the Coronavirus. As we know, it spread like wildfire and is still raging as I write. This virus devastated our nation with the loss of over 333,000 lives and 19 million recorded infections. 

How will we ever be able to thank our health care and front line workers for risking their lives and for all they've sacrificed in order to help those in need? 

The unemployment rate reached nearly 15%, the highest since the Great Depression. Many lost their businesses, their jobs and their hope.

More tragedy as George Floyd, Breonna Taylor and many other Black Americans were killed by police, unleashing riots and more killings.

In addition, we lost many irreplaceable men and women including Ruth Bader Ginsburg, Kobe Bryant, John Lewis, Alex Trebek and Chadwick Boseman.

Add to this, the horrific fires in California leaving many dead, and thousands homeless.

The good news; neighbors checking in on one another, we're cooking at home and eating more healthily and becoming creative with exercise. I, for one, noticed many more folks out walking and hiking than before the pandemic. Working from home has become the norm and many companies will continue this realizing the cost savings and increase in productivity. In addition, working from home has resulted in a cleaner, less polluted environment.

Four long days of holding our breath until Joe Biden and Kamala Harris were at last declared the victors of the election. Hope, once again prevails.

Yes, our lives have been changed forever, and God willing our voices and  tenacity will once again raise our nation up. We have a compassionate, resolute and wise new President and able, competent Vice President to lead us forward.

Happy New Year and let's look forward to a productive, peaceful and healthy 2021.

xo

Winter Holidays Unlike Any Other

 What a year we've had. It's not quite wrapped up, yet the end is in sight. This doesn't mean that the issues we've lived through are over, and uncertainty still hovers over us, however, we have so much good news to celebrate.

The first vaccine has been rolled out and our tireless and dedicated first responders and medical workers are being inoculated across the country. The second pharmaceutical company's vaccine has also arrived and is in the process of being distributed, as well.

Finally, the official Electoral College ratified Joe Biden as our 46th president, regardless of what Mr. Trump and certain Republicans profess. In the not too distant future, our new President and Vice-president will be sworn in and a new era will begin.

This holiday we have much to be grateful for. I'm optimistic that the people of this great country will unite and realize that despite our political or religious differences, the color of our skin or our economic status, we are the same. We all hurt when our loved ones are in pain and rejoice when there is success. We must feel sadness in order to feel real joy. An open heart is the only way to live.

We may be celebrating with our families via Zoom - still Christmas, Hanukkah or any of the many other festivities that may be planned are important and we are fortunate to be alive to enjoy them. Time is a gift. I feel blessed every morning when I've been graced with another day. We must enjoy the present - every second of it.  Let us ask what can I appreciate today and how can I share it? 

I'm sure you too, have mixed feelings about the holidays. This year has been a year unlike any we could have imagined or have lived through and the holidays will also be extraordinary and unusual, nevertheless, the end of the pandemic appears to be in sight and we must keep the faith that all will be well.

My wish to you is a memorable holiday filled with joy, laughter and hope. 

xo

Disappointments

 How do you react when life throws you a curve? Or a disappointment? Are you distressed, calm, angry? Or optimistic that perhaps it's for the best?

My husband and I were planning on spending the upcoming holidays with my family in California. I usually fly out a week or so ahead to visit with loved ones and to prepare for our Christmas celebration. Due to the coronavirus I decided not to fly but to drive with hubby a few days before Christmas. 

Suddenly, those plans were derailed due to recent restrictions in the Bay Area. A new stay-at-home order has been enacted and our plans have been dashed. 

I was willing to go anyway. After all, we're only seeing family. The restrictions couldn't possibly keep us from our loved ones - or could they? 

My sweet husband (sometimes known as the Grinch) reminded me that yes - this does apply to us even if we only plan on visiting family. 

I did not take to this news graciously, especially since we spent Thanksgiving alone. This is not fair.

But wait. I'm healthy and safe. My loved ones are, as well. How can I be so self-serving, and insensitive? We're in the middle of the greatest pandemic our country has encountered and I'm whining about not seeing my son and my other loved ones when there are thousands who have lost their beloveds?

"We either make ourselves miserable, or we make ourselves strong. The amount of work is the same." -Carlos Castaneda.

 I understand that some setbacks and mishaps are more serious than others so our level of upset or sadness will vary. Then again, can we see these setbacks as part of our journey? Perhaps a part of our perfectly designed path? Is it possible to say - I may not like it but this is the way it is now and be grateful for what we do have?

"Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom." - Viktor Frankl.

My lesson here is to take a moment to rest in that "space" before I react, take a breath and then respond, thoughtfully.

Again, the question is; are you able to act calmly in the face of disappointments?  I know, there's no easy or simple answer. It is something that we most likely will continue to work on for as long as we're alive. 

xo

Forming Us

Recently I was led through a meditation where I peered into my childhood. Years ago, I made peace with what I perceived as a trying time, as I know many of you have as well. Yet, it can be therapeutic to revisit, especially since I've been able to craft a lovely life for myself and my family. I also believe it is important to share our pain, healed or not, and allow our vulnerabilities to emerge.

What was your childhood like? It is said that more than anything else, our parentage formed us. Some say we were influenced by our peers and teachers, often more than our parents, and I do agree that these individuals had a major impact on who we have become as adults. However, for me, it was my relationship with my father that shaped me most profoundly.

My father had deep seated anger that I could not attempt to understand or unravel even now as an adult.  He was moody. He could be happy and easy going yet could morph into an ornery, loud bully in a heartbeat and without warning or obvious provocation.

This behavior was frightening to me. I was born a year after my sister and five and a half years before my brother and sister, who are twins. Luckily for the younger ones, he didn't brandish his fury on them.

My older sister and I suffered my father's wrath quite often. As children this was not only scary but confusing. Often we didn't know what we did to incite this rage in him. Other times, it could be something as benign as leaving our roller skates in the driveway. In those days, hitting a child wasn't considered the offense that it is today. Suffice it to say that my sister and I were the frequent recipients of his leather belt onto our backs and bottoms.

For me, this treatment resulted in me becoming a "people pleaser".  I did whatever I could to impress upon him that I was a "good" girl. I wanted him to see me as smart and competent and polite. However, no matter what I did, I could not please him for long. There was always a blunder or slip-up I committed to once again infuriate him.

Where was my mother, you may wonder? She was a kind, sweet but overwhelmed parent yet did her best to calm my father, usually unsuccessfully. 

This is a story, of course. Yet it was and is true for me. It is part of my history and there is so much more to me and like all of you, whatever we've experienced as children, remains a part of us. The trick, of course, is not to become a victim but to rise above it and become all that we can be.

Some of you have suffered much more serious and challenging childhoods than I. Conversely, there are those of you who were fortunate to have parents who strived to be and do the best for their children.

Regardless of our upbringing, it is up to us to know that, ultimately, we are responsible to become the best person we can be. The best is different for each of us. For me, I am happy with what I have achieved in my life. Nevertheless, I am continuing to learn, grow, love and share the joy with anyone I am privileged to have in my life.

The wise words of Ella Fitzgerald: "It isn't where you come from; it's where you're going that counts".

xo

Fear

"Life shrinks or expands according to one's courage." - Anais Nin, author.

We all feel fear. It's a normal emotion. The coronavirus is to be feared. The reality of this hit home when our dear friend Paige, was diagnosed with it and admitted to the hospital. Her admittance reminded us that we are all vulnerable and need to rigorously heed the warnings given to us by the CDC and medical experts. I know, we're all being careful. Still, reminders are helpful.

Besides coronavirus, I believe it is good to be afraid at times. If we're never afraid, it simply means we are staying inside our comfort zones. There is no growth in that zone. Growth and learning requires us to step outside of our safe havens and pursue our dreams.

When fear stops us from being the person we want to be is when it becomes problematic. Even at this point in our lives when we have accomplished so much we may still aspire to do and be more, yet fear is holding us back. 

We can have many excuses that allows fear to overtake us and we back away from our dreams. Our excuses can be varied, as in: I'm too old, I don't have a degree or the money or the time. How about what will "they" think or I may look dumb. Or my partner, children, grandchildren, friends need me. The list of excuses is endless. However, it all boils down to FEAR.

The most successful women in the world have been afraid. Consider Georgia O'Keefe, the prolific painter,  who admitted: "I've been absolutely terrified every moment of my life and I've never let it keep me from doing a single thing that I wanted to do". We all are familiar with her inspiring and innovative paintings. She didn't let fear stop her from creating her art.

My friend Morgan, bought a new home and proceeded to have a pickle ball court built on her property. In addition, she is working with craftsmen and designing a ramada, paver paths to delineate seating areas, had an attractive fence built around the court and is adding other amenities to have the home of her dreams. She is a single woman without the support of a partner to help with decisions. Sure, she has friends to bounce ideas off - still this is a purposeful act of courage. She has put fear aside and is taking action.

Susie Moore, author of What If It Does Work Out?, says: "Feeling fear and stepping backward rather than taking a step forward may feel like a safe option, but it actually isn't. You're not adding more to your life or being more powerful in life. The actions we take in our lives [that require courage] are always our proudest moments."

I concur. My last occupation was as a wardrobe consultant and personal shopper. I loved clothes but my only experience in fashion was in retail women's wear. As a young woman I wanted to go into the  fashion world but my father prohibited it unless I went to his art school. I was stubborn and declined.  Truth be told I was terrified.

Many, many years later I finally ventured out and started my own business. I was excited yet afraid, however, I knew it was now or never. It was hard work and I loved it and it definitely was in the top ten of my aspirations. I was successful and it was extremely gratifying work to help women look and feel fashionable, pretty and professional. 

Is there an adventure or dream you are forsaking due to fear?  I say discard that apprehension and go for it.

"Death is not our greatest fear. Our greatest fear is reaching death and having never truly lived." - attributed to Ben Hardy.

xo

(Names have been changed to protect the innocent!)