Forming Us

Recently I was led through a meditation where I peered into my childhood. Years ago, I made peace with what I perceived as a trying time, as I know many of you have as well. Yet, it can be therapeutic to revisit, especially since I've been able to craft a lovely life for myself and my family. I also believe it is important to share our pain, healed or not, and allow our vulnerabilities to emerge.

What was your childhood like? It is said that more than anything else, our parentage formed us. Some say we were influenced by our peers and teachers, often more than our parents, and I do agree that these individuals had a major impact on who we have become as adults. However, for me, it was my relationship with my father that shaped me most profoundly.

My father had deep seated anger that I could not attempt to understand or unravel even now as an adult.  He was moody. He could be happy and easy going yet could morph into an ornery, loud bully in a heartbeat and without warning or obvious provocation.

This behavior was frightening to me. I was born a year after my sister and five and a half years before my brother and sister, who are twins. Luckily for the younger ones, he didn't brandish his fury on them.

My older sister and I suffered my father's wrath quite often. As children this was not only scary but confusing. Often we didn't know what we did to incite this rage in him. Other times, it could be something as benign as leaving our roller skates in the driveway. In those days, hitting a child wasn't considered the offense that it is today. Suffice it to say that my sister and I were the frequent recipients of his leather belt onto our backs and bottoms.

For me, this treatment resulted in me becoming a "people pleaser".  I did whatever I could to impress upon him that I was a "good" girl. I wanted him to see me as smart and competent and polite. However, no matter what I did, I could not please him for long. There was always a blunder or slip-up I committed to once again infuriate him.

Where was my mother, you may wonder? She was a kind, sweet but overwhelmed parent yet did her best to calm my father, usually unsuccessfully. 

This is a story, of course. Yet it was and is true for me. It is part of my history and there is so much more to me and like all of you, whatever we've experienced as children, remains a part of us. The trick, of course, is not to become a victim but to rise above it and become all that we can be.

Some of you have suffered much more serious and challenging childhoods than I. Conversely, there are those of you who were fortunate to have parents who strived to be and do the best for their children.

Regardless of our upbringing, it is up to us to know that, ultimately, we are responsible to become the best person we can be. The best is different for each of us. For me, I am happy with what I have achieved in my life. Nevertheless, I am continuing to learn, grow, love and share the joy with anyone I am privileged to have in my life.

The wise words of Ella Fitzgerald: "It isn't where you come from; it's where you're going that counts".

xo