Helping a Friend

 I am so pleased when I can help a friend, honored to be asked to lend a hand. Whether it's a minor request such as borrowing the proverbial cup of sugar or a larger request.

Whenever my friends Shannon and Dan go away, they often ask me to water their plants. I'm pleased to help out. She is always willing to be of assistance when hubby and I go away. We know we can count on each other. 

"When we give cheerfully and accept gratefully, everyone is blessed." - Maya Angelou

Three or so years ago, I met a lovely elderly woman at an art lecture. Before the talk began, we struck up a conversation. It was easy and light, as though we knew one another and reconnected after being apart. 

A friendship ensued. Sarah travels to Arizona for the winters and maintains a home here, as many "snowbirds" do.

When the Covid descended upon us, we knew we wouldn't be able to see one another until conditions became safe.

I was perplexed to hear that she never left Arizona last April! Shortly before her departure date, she was handed a breast cancer diagnosis and underwent a bilateral mastectomy. She endured this alone. Never made a phone call to me or anyone. She was admitted to a nursing facility after surgery, as she was not permitted to return to her home without a care provider.

I would have been happy to help out; however, I was left in the dark. It would have been too risky to go into her home to help her, but surely I could cook meals for her a few times a week and leave them on her porch. It would have been easy for me to call and see if she needed anything.

Danielle, a dear friend of over 30 years, was planning to visit her daughter, Ava, and a new baby in California.  She needed a place to stay as it wasn't safe to stay with Ava due to Covid. I live in Arizona for most of the year, and I have an apartment in California.

Danielle hesitantly asked if there was any possibility she could stay in my apartment for this visit. Immediately, I said, of course! I was tickled to help out during this special time; the birth of her first grandchild, a sweet 5 pound 6-ounce boy. 

Regrettably, her driver's license had expired, and the new one had not arrived, so she could not rent a car. I offered the use of my car since it was sitting idle, and Danielle gladly accepted.

Yes, you guessed it. While parked in front of Ava's house, my car was hit by an older woman on this narrow street. She also hit the car parked in front of mine and totaled it, along with her own. Fortunately, the driver was uninjured but shaken up. It appeared my car, luckily, suffered only minor damage.

"Appeared" being the operative word. The estimate from the auto body shop was a dizzying $12,200! What? The car didn't show any significant damage. All the damage was underneath, sight unseen until it was put on the lift.

 Luckily, the driver's insurance company approved the estimate, and work will be started immediately.

I have no regrets that I loaned my car to Danielle. She is my forever friend, and  I would do it again. Friends are more important than things. Sure, this was a hassle both for her and me, but I consider friendships to be one of life's blessings. 

"Those who are the happiest are those who do the most for others." - Booker T. Washington.

xo

My Friend Matt

My friend Matt died last week. We've known one another for almost 40 years. When our boys were young and best buddies, we were neighbors. His wife was my closest friend, as often happens when children play together daily. 

Now he is gone. Suddenly and without warning. Do we want a sign that death is imminent, or is it better to go quickly?

We really don't have a choice, now do we?

Our family moved three hours away when our children were still young. It was sad at first. However, we took turns visiting almost monthly. This brought Cindy and me and our boys closer together, as we spent entire weekends at one another's home. I also was able to get to know Matt on a deeper level, and we had many memorable conversations; about art, architecture, and Frank Lloyd Wright, Matt's hero and artists I admired, such as Monet and Van Gogh.

Cindy and Matt were married for over 50 years. He was devoted to her, and she loved him despite her complaints that he played too much golf.

 It is shocking for the family when death comes unexpectedly. Yet, emotionally painful for all when the loved one is ill and suffering for a seemingly endless amount of time.

We have the chance to be the care provider and be present for physical and emotional support when there is an indication that a loved one is ill. Preparations can be made for the patient and the family.

We may be stunned and overwhelmed when death comes suddenly and surprisingly.

There's a bit of a twist here that is confusing.  However, when the reason for Matt's sudden death was discovered, the confusion was resolved.

Matt was admitted to the hospital with viral pneumonia and immediately put on a regimen expected to quickly remedy his condition. Unfortunately, that did not happen. Instead, a pulmonary embolism assaulted his lungs. That negated the possibility of doing a biopsy that may have diagnosed an underlying problem.

His condition rapidly deteriorated, and within two weeks, he died, surrounded by his wife, son, and daughter. Heartbreaking and bewildering. 

Matt was a healthy man, who ate right, quit drinking, and, in fact, played golf the day before his admittance to the hospital.

After going through Matt's medical records for the prior three years, it was discovered that he was diagnosed with and informed that he had a rare respiratory illness due to Agent Orange from his time in Vietnam. Over the years, the effects of this poison damaged his lungs. 

One year ago, Matt was told his condition was terminal. 

What? You mean he knew he was sick and did not inform his wife and children? Exactly. I'm convinced that Matt did not want to "worry" them. Being the head of his family, a man of high values, integrity, and courage, Matt preferred to spare them concern and anguish and deal with his health on his terms.

My friend Cindy is dealing with her grief as best she can. I am not certain how long it will be before I can hug and comfort her. Unfortunately, travel right now is not safe. If only through the phone lines, hearing a compassionate voice helps, so I often check in with her.

Matt was an architect, and Frank Lloyd Wright was his mentor and luminary. This quote from Mr. Wright defines the qualities Matt embodied:

"Love is the virtue of the Heart, Sincerity is the virtue of the Mind, Decision is the virtue of the Will, Courage is the virtue of the Spirit."

xo

The Love of Learning

"Love of learning is the most necessary passion...in it lies our happiness. It's a sure remedy for what ails us, an unending source of pleasure." - Emille du Chatelet.

I love learning. I'm curious as a cat. A headline of a story may get my attention. In last Sunday's New York Times, an article about an interesting study was done showing a link between physical activity and creativity. It finds that creative people develop more and better ideas during tests of their inventiveness than those who are relatively sedentary. This article could easily lead to more research on my part and down into the vortex. I'm determined to indulge my interest in this latest narrative.

Inspiring artists, their lives, lovers, where and how they lived are fascinating to me. Above all, it is their one-of-a-kind creations of images, shapes, and colors that grab my attention like a hawk upon its prey.  I want to know everything I can about the piece. I own books on my favorite artists and often Google to learn about others. My inquisitiveness is insatiable.

I especially admire Vincent Van Gogh and his painting "Starry Night," one of my favorites. It is almost childlike in its simplicity, yet the colors and movement could not be created by a child. 

His short and tragic life is fascinating, and I never tire of learning about him.

Health and fitness, especially for women in this stage of our lives, has become a priority for most, and I'm no exception. We want to navigate our remaining years with vigor, strength, and health. 

Reading up on the latest news to help me stay fit and healthy is fun for me. This has become another avocation. My interest in the current findings is also creating new neural pathways in the brain—all learning aids in keeping us young and thriving.

Many of you do the same - always looking for original ways to stay vital and engaged.

Exercising my body by either walking, hiking, lifting weights, or playing pickleball are activities I enjoy six days a week. I know women who feel exercising is a chore. Not me. I love being outdoors in the fresh air, feeling the cold crispness on my skin while the day is rife with possibilities. Not only am I moving my body, but taking in my surroundings energizes my mind, as well. Stimulating discussions often occur when walking with my dear friend, Shannon. 

If it's a pickleball game I'm playing, I love the group's easy competition and camaraderie. Learning a new technique while playing is not uncommon. Learning can appear in many forms.

"Anyone who stops learning is old, whether at twenty or eighty. Anyone who keeps learning stays young." - Henry Ford.

Books of fiction, non-fiction, memoirs, historical novels, you name it, I want it! There aren't enough hours in a day or days in a week to read all the books I aspire to. My absolute favorite time of the day is the evening when I cuddle up in bed an hour or two before hubby joins me to dig into my latest tome —what a treat.

I have recently accepted an invitation from a friend that has taken me out of my comfort zone. Isn't that what stretching our learning muscles is meant to do? 

Meg was a creative writing professor at one of the nation's top universities. She is currently penning a book of poems and was in a bit of a slump. She asked me to be her creative writing partner. Little ole me? My writing resume' consists of my journal and this blog. As frightened as I was to take on this challenge, I jumped on it. I couldn't pass up an opportunity to learn from a pro. 

The enjoyment I'm experiencing, together with the knowledge I am gaining, is priceless. 

As though the critiques weren't enough, Meg encouraged me to submit an article to Medium.com - to push me even further outside my safe haven. With much trepidation, I did, and the feeling was euphoric. 

In case you're still not convinced that ongoing learning is critical for us as we age, several studies were conducted. It was determined that maintaining curiosity in old age is protective against cognitive and physical decline. It also helps protect against depression.

You may have experienced, as I have, that the desire to learn and the attainment of new ideas, skills, and knowledge simply gives one a thirst for even more. It's an infinite thread. 

As I see it, once we cease to learn, we cease to live.

xo

Live Now

Michael Singer, the author of "The Untethered Soul," seriously startled me with the following: 

"It is truly a great cosmic paradox that one of the best teachers in all of life turns out to be death. No person or situation could tell you that you are not your body; death shows you. While someone could remind you of the insignificance of the things that you cling to, death takes them all away in a second. While people can teach you that men and women of all races are equal and that there is no difference between the rich and poor, death instantly makes us all the same."

 Most of us know this subconsciously, yet it is not something we think about. Mr. Singer defines death sensitively and accurately. I'm not saying that this quote has changed my life; however, it has made a significant impression. 

If you knew you had one week to live, what would you do? What would you change? How would your thoughts change? Are you making the most of your days, or are you wasting time, treating it like it's not something precious? Michael asks these questions in his book. 

It definitely has given me a lot to think about. I love this part: .." the Angel of Death comes to you and says, 'Come, it's time to go.' You say, 'But no, You're supposed to give me a warning so I can decide what I want to do with my last week. I'm supposed to get one more week.' Do you know what Death will say to you? He'll say, 'My God! I gave you fifty-two weeks this past year alone. And look at all the other weeks I've given you. Why would you need one more? What did you do with all those?' If asked that, what are you going to say? How will you answer? 'I wasn't paying attention...I didn't think it mattered.' That's a pretty amazing thing to say about your life."

Let's not squander in any way, one millisecond. Even with this pandemic, it is possible to make the most of our days. Yes, take time to nourish yourself, emotionally, spiritually, and physically - that is of utmost importance. Be sure to do the things that matter to you, the things we often think we'll do later. For me, it's picking up the phone to call a loved one I haven't spoken to recently. To go for a hike, to resurrect my easel, paints, brushes, or write my thoughts in my journal before they escape my consciousness.

What is it you have been postponing for another day? I repeat, do not waste another minute of this beautiful, precious life.  I say, do it now.

xo