I Failed

Last September I set three goals for myself that I planned on achieving in one year.  No, I didn't exactly expect them to be a walk in the park, but never in a million years did I think I would fail at all three.

How did that happen? Is it okay with you if I blame it on the coronavirus? I don't need to tell any of you how this pandemic has fundamentally affected our lives.

We were moseying along minding our own business when this freakish virus descended on us and upended our world. Yes, it's the excuse I'm using - at least partly.

Goal #1 was to have this little blog "go public" and read by those unknown to me. Perhaps this has happened somewhat but, not to the extent that I'd expected. I did learn that I must move it to a platform that draws a larger circulation. To my credit I have been working on building a new site for the past several months - a huge learning curve for enormously un-techy me.

Goal #2 was to go from a 2.5 level to a 3.5 level in pickleball. Pickleball ended for us in February/March when our leagues were canceled, the YWCA closed to everyone but childcare and the public courts also shut down. I did manage to advance in my skills a bit before the shutdown, but nowhere near where I'd hoped to be.  

Goal #3 was to complete a collage for and about my son, Nick. He supplied me with bits and pieces to include in it. I was unhappy with what I created, decided to "practice" by making one for me that would be easier and voila! I created a collage I love. Alas, still not a completed one for Nick. It's halfway done and I'm keenly aware that it doesn't count as a true success.

The most significant take away from this endeavor has been the personal growth I've experienced. I've read about how it's not the achievement of the goal that is important but the person we become in the process. I'm sure you have experienced this as well. We marshal our forces and take on a challenge and whether we have attained victory or not we are better for having attempted it.

I'm going forward with these important intentions for as Dale Carnegie has said: "Inaction breeds doubt and fear. Action breeds confidence and courage. If you want to conquer fear, do not sit home and think about it. Go out and get busy!"

P.S.  I wrote this post yesterday and today I finished my son's collage. Hallelujah! I turned the tables on my resistance, quit my whining and got busy and what do you know - it's done! It's not my best or favorite piece but it's decent. I actually achieved one of my goals, but, again, that's not really the point. I showed up and became a tad braver because I did.

xo

Resistance and Excellence

A few weeks ago I wrote two posts regarding Resistance. Yes, Resistance with a capital R.  As I established in those posts, resistance strikes when we attempt to create something outside of our comfort zone. For me, it's making art.

I'm getting over it. Little by little, piece by piece, the resistance is waning. Resistance feeds on fear.  Fear that I'll make a fool of myself. Fear that others will think the art I produced to be abysmal. Fear that I will be seen as an imposter. Fear that I will see myself as a fraud, a wannabe artist.

These are all significant fears. However, as Steven Pressfield states in The War of Art: "the Mother of all Fears that's so close to us that even when we verbalize it we don't believe it. Fear That We Will Succeed. That we can access the powers we secretly know we possess. That we can become the person we sense in our hearts we truly are."

I'm still digesting this idea. It hasn't fully infiltrated my brain. Why wouldn't we want to be successful?

Mr. Pressfield believes "...if we embrace our ideals, we must prove worthy of them. And that scares the hell out of us."

It's beginning to make a tad more sense to me now. Still, I want to be better, do more both for myself and others. I want to achieve excellence. Not perfection, that's not even possible or desirable.

Chadwick Boseman, the hero in Black Panther and portrayer of several historical figures in recent films, not only made a number of movies in four years - but as we know now, he did it while undergoing chemotherapy and surgeries for colon cancer. He did not reveal any of this. He bravely and admirably continued on despite the pain and anguish. In addition, and perhaps, most achingly touching, he reached out to several children going through similar difficulties. He brought light and love to the lives of these patients. He made appearances to public events simply to delight and support others.

Chadwick wasn't resistant to accessing the powers he knew he possessed. He is a staggeringly brave example of Excellence. Excellence with a capital E. No resistance here. What a splendid and astonishing example of selflessness and courage and love.

xo

Feeling Good

I'm almost a little embarrassed to admit this, but some days I'm feeling really good. Then I remember what I forgot - that we're in the middle of a national crisis. And I begin to feel guilty for feeling good. Geez, it's kind of crazy and puzzling  - isn't it? Yet, we have the right to feel good, to be happy. Actually, it's more than a right, it's a responsibility. How can we be of service or a help to anyone if we're feeling crummy? How do we even help ourselves?

"Feeling good is the gateway to gratitude. The better we feel about ourselves, the more grateful we are. The more grateful we are, the better we feel about ourselves." (from the book Gratitude and Trust).

My routine during this pandemic has been consistent. The only change has been the hour my day begins. Now that it is god-awful sweltering hot in Arizona, my day begins at 5:15 or so. I meet my dear friend Shannon with our pups for a walk that varies in length from 30 minutes to over an hour depending on our energy level. When the dreaded alarm vibrates on my Fitbit my first reaction is - oh no, can't be morning - it's still dark outside! However, as soon as my sweetheart Golden Retriever, Merlin, looks me in the eye with his big smile, I know I cannot disappoint him. Unconditional, never-ending love is what he exudes. Now my spirits, if not my energy, are lifted. Now I'm experiencing gratitude, not just for him, but for life itself, no matter what is going on in our world. How blessed are we that we get another day?

Are you able to feel appreciation for another day despite all the unrest and unknowns? Are you able to take a minute and take a breath and say yes to another day? Do you have a routine that helps your life stay somewhat on track?

What keeps my outlook positive and fuels me is that I feel I have a purpose (other than taking Merlin for a walk!). I have a reason to get my derriere out of my cozy bed. It's not a huge 'save the world from evil-type' purpose, but it's my little mission that motivates and inspires me. Actually, there are a couple of things - and this little blog is one of my pursuits and the other is creating art.

By having a purpose, we get to beat boredom and discontent at its own game, by being even more resolute than it is.

It would be abnormal not to be affected by all the happenings in the world. Human beings are born to feel and react to the challenges and opportunities life hands us. I believe that having a purpose centers us and gives us a place to express feelings, and acknowledge the gift of another day.

xo

What to Write About?

Sometimes I'm not sure what to write about. It's not that I don't have ideas. Quite the contrary. I have so many - which one should I choose; the ongoing pandemic, health, aging, the absence of travel or seeing and hugging our loved ones? So many choices.

I don't want to write too often about the current state of our country even though it is of utmost importance. It can be difficult to stay honestly and matter of factly upbeat about it. Yes, of course, we are fortunate in so many ways. In the first place, we are privileged to be Americans. What other country offers what the U.S. does regardless of where you live? No Pollyanna rhetoric here as I'm well aware of the poverty, racial unrest, and free-floating anxiety many of us are experiencing.

The truth of it is we are blessed to be here despite the discord, fear of the unknown as well as concerns of the present and unease and apprehension of the future. Many of us have lost loved ones - irreplaceable beings, lost jobs and sometimes we lose hope. I'm saddened by this.

The antidote for this state of affairs may be plain old gratitude. I've written about gratitude previously and more can always be said:

"Gratitude is, in its purest sense, living in the moment. It is being attuned to all that is around you and being at peace with it. It's touching the unknown power inside of you and knowing you are not alone and that you are being guided to a better place each and every day." (From Gratitude and Trust by Paul Williams and Tracey Jackson.)

If we stop now and then during our day, and relish the moment, all is well in that moment. I agree, it may be difficult to be at peace when our world has been turned upside down. Let's take the time to actually recognize how truly blessed we are - in spite of the hardships that are being felt by so many.

Meister Eckhart, philosopher, theologian and mystic said: "If the only prayer you ever said was "Thank You", that would be enough.

xo

So Much to Think About

There is so much going on in our country right now. The Covid is not only still with us, it is escalating in many states. It is spreading among the younger adults mainly due to foolish, irresponsible behavior on their part. Not only could they become infected by attending up-close and personal parties, but, obviously, they can bring it home to their parents, siblings, and many others.

It's time for schools to reopen and the battle is waging among government, teachers, parents and health officials. Yes, children need to be in school but at what cost to their wellbeing? Something else to think about.

A student in a high school in Georgia made a video with his phone showing the overcrowded hallways and the primarily non-mask wearing students, put it on social media and was promptly suspended. What? Since that day, many students contracted the virus and are now under quarantine.

Now, I'm learning that the lives of the health officials who are doing their best to get the information disseminated and delivered to the public are being threatened. I ask; Why? Who are these bullies and why are they doing this? The mind boggles.

Protests that began in the Spring in Portland have turned into riots and looting and major destruction of property. Yes, the original motivation was to support Black Lives Matter in this unlikely 70% white populated city but now it has gotten completely out of control.

The Russians are already meddling in our presidential election. Again. But wait, there's more - they've already developed the first Covid -19 vaccine. Yeah, right.

The economy as we knew it no longer exists and exactly how will it be uprighted?

So many questions, so few agreed upon answers. And so many moving parts.

Despite it all, and I've shared this before, America is a country with faith and hope and the knowledge that we will pull together. We need strong and brave and honest leadership. We must believe we will prevail. This is not cockeyed optimism. It is faith in the American people. We have power. We can Vote.

xo

Creativity

Many of us believe we are not creative. When we think of creative people we think of Picasso, van Gogh, Hemingway, or Beethoven. You know,  really creative, artistic types. Not the ordinary Joe,  like you or me.

The truth is - everyday people are artistic and creative, as well. As Pam Grout relates; Howard Finster, a retired minister with a sixth grade education didn't pick up a paintbrush until he was in his 60's. One day, God said to him, "Howard, I want you to start painting."  He reminded God that he hadn't a clue how to paint and God retorted just as quickly, "How do you know?" Over the course of the next 28 or so years, Howard produced 46,000 paintings. True, a good deal of his artwork was not traditional art, however, Barbra Streisand, Woody Allen and others have paid upward of $20,000 for his artwork.

My son Nick takes beautiful and unusual photographs as he strolls through his San Francisco neighborhood. He enjoys experimenting with new recipes and is always baking something yummy. He is purchasing furniture for his apartment and takes pride in decorating it and hanging artwork on newly painted walls. Yet, still insists he isn't creative. Where do we get the idea that creative folks are not us?

Everyone has creativity. Some are mathematicians, or scientists or dancers or writers. It's all creativity. We simply must acknowledge it, coax it out, nurture it and it will grow.

Betty Edwards, author of Drawing on the Right Side of the Brain, compared creating art to reading. "We don't give kids a stack of books and expect them to know how to read. We wouldn't accuse them of not having the aptitude for reading if they didn't pick it up on their own." (from Pam Grout's Art and Soul).

Why do we think we should create a masterpiece the first time we take a stab at oil painting? Or write a best seller after our first draft? Practice, patience and the constant doing will produce a work that will be not half bad. It has the potential to be good, but it hasn't quite made it there. The secret is not to give up. Perseverance, my sweet.

What little nudge or inkling of a creative idea do you receive from the ethers now and again? Follow that notion and see where it may lead. What better time than now to follow those little whispers and hints? Just imagine what you might create.

xo

A Little More About Resistance

In my last post I wrote how I meet resistance whenever I want to create a piece of art. This is especially true when the art is being made for someone else - "commissioned" so to speak. Even when that someone is my son.

My son, Nick, gave me quite a few items he would like me to incorporate in a collage for him. I have tried several times to complete this artwork, however, I have yet to be satisfied with the results. Rather than destroy it completely, I cut it up, saving the important pieces in order to use in the next endeavor. But still, not happy with the result, I toss it aside until I marshal up my courage for my next attempt. Thankfully, he's a patient guy.

I will get back to it, I promise myself.

In a conversation I had today with my dear friend, Jennifer, she suggested that perhaps the time simply is not right for this piece to be completed. Maybe I should wait until the time feels right. I value her opinion and this idea is so true in many instances, however, I cannot use this as my reason for not completing Nick's collage. It's that old familiar insidious fear rearing its ugly head. As Steven Pressfield writes in The War of Art: "Master that fear and we conquer Resistance".

How do you deal with resistance? Is there something you would love to do - perhaps try scuba diving,  show your photographs at the State Fair, climb the highest mountain in your state? Are you able to dive right in? Fill out the entry forms for the show at the Fair? Gather supplies for that challenging mountain? Or do you do a bit of research first?  After all, we need to gather information before we take on a new challenge or adventure, don't we?  Is this valid knowledge we're collecting or resistance?

As Mr. Pressfield knowingly observes: "Resistance obstructs movement only from a lower sphere to a higher. It kicks in when we seek to pursue a calling in the arts, launch an innovative enterprise, or evolve to a higher station morally, ethically, or spiritually".  That explanation makes a lot of sense to me.

xo

Procrastination and Resistance

I can be a procrastinator. No, not in everything - but certain things. Those icky things that need to be done but are a big pain in the butt. For example; cleaning the refrigerator - no I don't mean just dumping the food that has turned into a science experiment.  I'm talking about the major cleaning, as in removing the shelves, veggie, fruit and meat drawers.  Soaking them to remove the gunk - that sort of thing. There's no valid reason for postponing this, other than it's a job and a tedious one if left undone for too long.

Then there is the sort of procrastination that is due to fear. It's known as resistance. One of my biggest fears is creating art. I absolutely love art. All forms. Creating it is another story.

My father was an artist until I was born when he decided he could not support the family being a working artist. Our family, at that time, consisted of my mom, my sister who was a year old when I was born and my dad, of course.

I suspect he was bitter about this, giving up a vocation that he loved after graduating from art school.

When I was around seven or eight, after proudly unveiling a painting I made, my dad matter-of-factly said; you're smart but you have no talent so don't think you can be an artist. Be a lawyer or teacher instead.

I bought into the idea that I had not one iota of talent. When I was 50 years old or so, I decided it was time to give up that old story. After all, I'd already proven that I could decorate a home beautifully, (several of them by this point), to the extent that friends would ask for help or advice with their decorating projects. That's talent, no? And I was often complimented about my clothing outfits. I could manage to dress well, wasn't that talent? I could set a beautiful tablescape and cook a lovely meal when hosting a dinner party. Again, that takes a bit of creativity, as well. So what's up with holding onto something my father said 40 years ago?

I love what Pam Grout says in Art & Soul Reloaded: "Talent is like an underwater stream - equally available to everyone. You tap into it with your effort, and it flows through you".

Yes, it was time to let go of that old baggage and into art I delved. I signed up for ongoing weekly classes, and as a result painted quite a few pieces that are decent enough that they're hanging in my home. I am proud of this accomplishment.

However, when I decide I'd like to create a new piece of art is where resistance kicks in. I am going to begin that new painting, I'm just going to start tomorrow. Resistance is primarily fear saying; run for the hills. It is said that the more important a call or action is to our soul's evolution, the more resistance we will feel toward pursuing it.

I felt a calling to create a collage in honor of my son, Anthony, who passed away at age 36, over four years ago. It took a huge amount of time to even muster up the courage to begin. Once I began, things did not move along smoothly. However, torrents of tears and a massive amount of resistance later, a piece of art emerged that I absolutely love. The collage contains pieces of notes and cards from him that he gave me throughout the years and other aspects of this precious soul that establishes this collage as priceless.

I plan on making a collage for my younger son, Nick. He's already supplied me with various elements he'd like me to include in it. Again, fear is showing up in the form of resistance. I'd like to break through this resistance and  overcome my fear of beginning this project. Yet in my heart I know that the only way to overcome fear is to proceed despite it.

xo

Reinventing Ourselves

Reinvent now? I know, we're in the middle of a pandemic. Who has the interest or desire to think about reinventing ourselves? Isn't it enough that we're confined to our homes and when we do dare emerge into the outdoors, we must mask up? We're stressed. Bored. Listless. However, we do still have a life. And we are alive and for the most part, if you're reading this, healthy.

So what better time than now to give some thought as to what may lie ahead. Many of my readers are already retired or contemplating it or preparing to retire at some time in the near future.

And even if you are not ready for retirement, you may be ready for something new. Something that perhaps you have always wanted to do? Or something that of late, has caught your interest and you're wondering if it is something you may want to try? Sometimes it's best to let an idea incubate before rushing into it. Or perhaps the time is now to kick the tires on that new inspiration.

Twenty plus years ago I met several women at an Artist's Way class, (based on the book by Julia Cameron). By the end of the class Jennifer, Jill and I had become fast friends.

The purpose of this class was to reconnect us to - or help us discover - our creativity.

During this time, Jill was working for an insurance company and studying for her master's degree in psychology with an emphasis on coaching. After earning her degree she and her husband set up an office working together. They had a robust practice for several years when Jill decided to enroll in a year long program to help her redirect her focus to helping her clients achieve or discover a dream they have or may not yet have discovered. This shift has energized Jill and her business has taken on a new life.

Jennifer had a glimmer of an idea that she might like to become a chef. After the 12 week Artist's Way class was over, she enrolled in culinary school and after graduation began what was to become an exceedingly  successful catering business.  Fast forward 18 years, the coronavirus hits and she can no longer continue catering weddings and other parties that had become her forte.

Jennifer realized this was an unexpected gift. She observed that in the recesses of her mind, she was questioning if catering still held the same interest it once had. After some reflection, she came to the conclusion, that as unlikely as it seemed, she enjoyed keeping the books for her husband's thriving photography business. She is now investigating the possibility of bookkeeping as a part time career.

It took some time for me to settle into my new retired lifestyle in Arizona, make new friends and find my way around. Now that I've been settled for several years I have discovered that the possibilities are endless. I'm enjoying figuring it all out, experimenting with new forms of art and generally noticing what grabs my attention. Of course, much of it will need to wait until life returns to some semblance of normalcy.

What possibilities are about to float your boat?

"A ship is always safe at shore but that's not what it's built for" - Albert Einstein.

Where and when will your ship sail?

xo

Reinvention on a Dairy Ranch

West Marin County, CA is gorgeous, pastoral and dotted with dairy farms. One of the most prolific and successful was the Giacomini Dairy in Point Reyes owned by Bob and his wife, Dean Giacomini. When Dean died, Bob was looking to retire but didn't want to sell his farm that he had for 54 years. He hoped it could be carried on for another 54, however, the milk business was getting more difficult. Bob had the idea of producing cheese.

He called his four daughters home for a meeting, all of whom had careers scattered throughout Northern California. None of them ever had an interest in dairy farming, however, the cheese idea sparked an interest, in addition to their desire for the farm to continue on.

As Jane Pauley tells the story; "with the support of husbands and brothers-in-law, affectionately known as the "outlaws", all four girls helped Bob reinvent the Giacomini Dairy as they reinvented themselves. They were all 'paid in cheese' for the first five years. It was a financial gamble and a lot of work, but it's paid off." Ms. Pauley relates that she saw a salad garnished with Point Reyes blue cheese on the menu at a fancy New York restaurant.

Point Reyes Cheese won two SOFI awards (often described as the Oscars for food) in New York City. All four of the daughters had busy careers, Jill had a Silicon Valley job, Karen was a stay at home mom, Diane had a 20 year career as a banker and Lynn was in the wine industry. Now all four have happily reinvented themselves as awarding winning cheesemakers.

There is another reinvention taking place as retirement age approaches and generally, that is around age 66-67, depending on your year of birth. However, many folks are continuing to work because they truly enjoy it. Others are planning on retiring as soon as they are able. As Marc Middleton writes in Growing Bolder: "There's certainly nothing wrong with - and much that is beneficial about - ending a career, slowing down, relaxing, reflecting and re-prioritizing. But doing so should't lead to the end of a productive, engaging and meaningful life. Retirement isn't the beginning of the end. It's the beginning of what's next. And, once again, you get to choose what's next. " And I say - how exciting to add a new chapter!

xo

My Reinventions

I'd like to begin a conversation on reinvention. In upcoming posts, I'll tell you about several amazing women who reinvented themselves in midlife or later, but first, I thought I'd share a little about my professional past and my hopes for the future.

My goal is to live well into my 90's - maybe even 100. It's not impossible. Many before me have done it.  Of course, that's provided I take extraordinary care of myself. I exercise aerobically six days a week, lift weights (at home) two to three times a week, and stretch and do a bit of yoga and other functional exercises on other days. I am careful (most of the time) of what foods go into my body, keep a community of family and friends and have a spiritual life. In addition, I am endlessly curious about a myriad of subjects. All of these activities and behaviors are said to help lengthen one's life and keep us vital and active. All of us can live a long, productive, purposeful life, provided, of course, we are fortunate to escape the unpredictable injury or illness.

I have been a creature of reinvention my entire adult life. I did not ever have an occupation, that I wanted to turn into a lifelong career. In the past I envied those of you who had a calling or profession that was fulfilling.

My first job was with a large insurance company in New Jersey, where I was born and resided in until age 27 when I took a leap and moved to Marin County, California, a short jaunt across the Golden Gate Bridge from San Francisco. I remained in that general field, after moving, working first for the president of another insurance company and when he retired, administrative assistant to a financial planner. That covered the first 15 or so years.

After a rewarding stint at being a stay at home mom, I began a housecleaning business. Within a year, I had a flourishing, albeit, small operation with five full time employees, several part-timers and a clientele of 75 - 100. It was successful in that I was able to support my two boys and myself (I was now a single mom) yet it was far from glamorous and it was hard work. After 11 years I sold it to two of my employees and began my next transformation.

I've always been interested in clothes, so into the retail fashion world I strode, spending the next 5 years and earning the title of top salesperson in the Bay Area for this organization.

At age 62 I set out on my own as a wardrobe consultant and personal shopper. That was a fun gig and challenging, and it cured me of my love of shopping!

Enter my high school sweetheart who swept me off my feet and encouraged me to retire and move to Arizona, yet another reinvention.

And here I am writing this blog post, enjoying a wonderful community of women, making art in the form of collages and getting a kick out of life.

There's more yet to be done in my life. My next step is yet to be revealed. It's marinating.  I have a strong feeling that this little blog will be a big part of it.

xo