Procrastination and Resistance

I can be a procrastinator. No, not in everything - but certain things. Those icky things that need to be done but are a big pain in the butt. For example; cleaning the refrigerator - no I don't mean just dumping the food that has turned into a science experiment.  I'm talking about the major cleaning, as in removing the shelves, veggie, fruit and meat drawers.  Soaking them to remove the gunk - that sort of thing. There's no valid reason for postponing this, other than it's a job and a tedious one if left undone for too long.

Then there is the sort of procrastination that is due to fear. It's known as resistance. One of my biggest fears is creating art. I absolutely love art. All forms. Creating it is another story.

My father was an artist until I was born when he decided he could not support the family being a working artist. Our family, at that time, consisted of my mom, my sister who was a year old when I was born and my dad, of course.

I suspect he was bitter about this, giving up a vocation that he loved after graduating from art school.

When I was around seven or eight, after proudly unveiling a painting I made, my dad matter-of-factly said; you're smart but you have no talent so don't think you can be an artist. Be a lawyer or teacher instead.

I bought into the idea that I had not one iota of talent. When I was 50 years old or so, I decided it was time to give up that old story. After all, I'd already proven that I could decorate a home beautifully, (several of them by this point), to the extent that friends would ask for help or advice with their decorating projects. That's talent, no? And I was often complimented about my clothing outfits. I could manage to dress well, wasn't that talent? I could set a beautiful tablescape and cook a lovely meal when hosting a dinner party. Again, that takes a bit of creativity, as well. So what's up with holding onto something my father said 40 years ago?

I love what Pam Grout says in Art & Soul Reloaded: "Talent is like an underwater stream - equally available to everyone. You tap into it with your effort, and it flows through you".

Yes, it was time to let go of that old baggage and into art I delved. I signed up for ongoing weekly classes, and as a result painted quite a few pieces that are decent enough that they're hanging in my home. I am proud of this accomplishment.

However, when I decide I'd like to create a new piece of art is where resistance kicks in. I am going to begin that new painting, I'm just going to start tomorrow. Resistance is primarily fear saying; run for the hills. It is said that the more important a call or action is to our soul's evolution, the more resistance we will feel toward pursuing it.

I felt a calling to create a collage in honor of my son, Anthony, who passed away at age 36, over four years ago. It took a huge amount of time to even muster up the courage to begin. Once I began, things did not move along smoothly. However, torrents of tears and a massive amount of resistance later, a piece of art emerged that I absolutely love. The collage contains pieces of notes and cards from him that he gave me throughout the years and other aspects of this precious soul that establishes this collage as priceless.

I plan on making a collage for my younger son, Nick. He's already supplied me with various elements he'd like me to include in it. Again, fear is showing up in the form of resistance. I'd like to break through this resistance and  overcome my fear of beginning this project. Yet in my heart I know that the only way to overcome fear is to proceed despite it.

xo