With the Support of Others

One of my all time favorite self-help art books is Art and Soul Reloaded by Pam Grout.

One of the many things she writes about is the need of artists for support. However, support is necessary in other areas as well and this little bit from her book speaks volumes":

"Mary Shelley, who was barely 20 when she wrote the classic tale Frankenstein, claimed she'd have never done it without the encouragement of friends who were staying together at a villa in Lake Geneva, Switzerland. It was a dreary, rainy summer and Shelley and friends, including her future husband, Percy Bysshe Shelley, and the poet Lord Byron, wiled away long days in front of a log fire. Mary, egged on by her poet comrades who challenged one another to write a ghost story, decided to join the fun. She put her mind to work until, one night, the muses woke her up with a horrifying tale of the now-familiar young doctor and his unorthodox science experiment.

Mary Shelley may not have been alert enough to catch the story if she hadn't been around others with an artistic vision."

I know - unlikely to happen to us, (or is it?) even if we are writers.  It speaks to the subject of support; whether it is in the form of friends, teachers, a painting atelier or a sports team. Knowing there is someone or several people cheering us on and encouraging us when our morale sags can keep us going.


Several years ago, I attended an informal weekly art group. We had an instructor, but she didn't teach - she was merely there to jump in and lend a hand when one of us was stuck or needed a verbal or hands-on boost. In addition, the support and reassurance of the members of the group was invaluable. Artists can be a sensitive, touchy bunch but having others' understanding made a huge difference.

Now I am in a posse of pickleball playing women and they are not only majorly fun to play with but not a game goes by that I don't hear one or another congratulating a player for a great shot, or a terrific game. We play better because of the support and encouragement of one another.

xo

Lessons Through Challenges

I decided to quit drinking in September 2018 and it was one of the best decisions of my life. However, it's not always a walk in the park. Thus, for support,  I joined an online sober community headed by Holly Whitaker and signed on for 40 days worth of daily mantras to help shift any negative thoughts into loving, hopeful or optimistic thoughts.

Generally, I'm a very positive, happy person, however, there are times, when even the most benign occurrence can annoy me, and today's mantra has come in handy: "My challenges are my greatest learning devices".

The petty incident that bothered me happened at pickleball league yesterday.  My partner for one of the games was a man who was frustrating to play with as he didn't even try to hit the ball if it was out of his reach. I consider myself a fairly competitive person - not extremely competitive, but, if you're playing in a league the point is to do your best to win! Gee, shouldn't that be the very basic intention?

Today, I played pickleball with friends and after 3 games or so, my back began to hurt and I wasn't able to chase the ball as I normally would. Insert today's mantra: "my challenges are my greatest learning devices!".  I have no idea why the gentleman I played with yesterday did not attempt to chase the balls, but I am humbled to realize he, too, could have been in pain.

On the other end of the spectrum, there are devastating events that bring us to our knees and this I have experienced, as well. The death of my oldest son, Anthony, at the age of 36, four years ago was the most painful heartache I have endured. This, too, was a learning experience: treasure every day as though it is your last and see every person as a gift that has been given to you. Do not wait to tell your loved ones how you feel. Tell them now and tell them often.

Every day is a chance to do better and be a better person and to accept life's challenges, big and small, with an open heart, if not open arms.

xo

Thanksgiving

It's hard to believe the holidays are upon us.  Where has the year gone? Personally, it's been a great year. My new addiction - pickle ball, began in the Spring and along with it I have made friends with a fun, kind, wonderful group of women. We meet several times a week and laugh and compete and I leave feeling that I am very blessed to have these women in my life.

In addition, I have a husband who makes me laugh and silly as he may be at times - laughter is always welcome. Plus, he takes very good care of me - another blessing in my life.

I'm so thankful for the two sons God gave me. They forever changed my world.

My dear sisters and brother - a bond that will never be broken.

I'm so grateful for my dear friend, Shannon who patiently listens to my complaints about the big and little problems that pop up on a regular basis.

Thank you to my friends in California who have stood by me through thick and thin for many, many years.

Yes, Thanksgiving is a time to remember what we have and everything we are grateful for. I try and remember to express gratitude every day, not always successfully I'm sure.

A quote I love by my favorite President - John F. Kennedy sums it up perfectly: "As we express our gratitude, we must never forget that the highest appreciation is not to utter words, but to live by them."

I wish you and your beloveds a happy, loving and grateful Thanksgiving.

xo

Curiosity

Previously, I wrote about brain health and physical fitness and a few suggestions that will help us age more gracefully and keep us younger - if not chronologically, at least mentally and emotionally.

Lately, I've been curious about curiosity!  Seriously.  How does it affect us and help us as we age?

It's no secret that being curious in general keeps us interested in life and depending on the specific object of our curiosity - can be the gateway to a plethora of new information and interests.

The Gallup Organization reported the results of a survey of more than 130,000 people from 130 nations. The poll identified two factors that had the strongest influence on how much enjoyment a person experienced in a given day: "being able to count on someone for help" and "learning something that day".  Clearly, one must be curious in order to learn something.

There are other important relationships between curiosity and happiness. In his book, Stumbling on Happiness, Harvard University psychology professor Daniel Gilbert, PhD, shows that while we think we know what will make up happy in the future, we are actually less likely to find joy as a result of a planned pursuit than by simply stumbling upon it. It follows that by cultivating curiosity and remaining open to new experiences, we increase our likelihood of encountering those surprising and satisfying activities.

Right now my curiosity has led me to take lectures through Osher Life Long Learning (OLLIE) in and around the Scottsdale area. This organization is nationwide, as well.

Each year OLLIE has two semesters where we can learn about Native Americans, politics, history, writing, music - the subjects are endless. My current interest (among other things) lies in fine art - the artists, the mediums and all the stories surrounding these interesting, talented people. I have been taking these classes for several years and they never disappoint.

My curiosity directly adds to my happiness and satisfaction with my life - and thus, I believe will add years to my life as well. There is a caveat to curiosity, however, and that is when interest in a subject is piqued - it may open a door to that leads to another interest, and then another.....then the issue is - how do we find the time to explore it all?  But, that is another subject. For now, let's be open and curious to all that life has to offer.

This blog is directed to like-minded women and I'm sure you have had some of the same results from your curiosity, too.

xo

Keeping Fit Safely

A previous post spoke to the issue of keeping fit as we age. In that article I wrote about physical fitness as well as mental, emotional and spiritual. This post will focus solely on the physical.

A year ago I was in Italy strolling in Rome munching a cookie and not exactly paying attention when suddenly my foot slipped on a rock and I hit the ground.  I thought perhaps I had broken my hip but fortunately, the only thing injured was my pride.  However, that fall brought fear into my being and I was overly cautious for the rest of that trip. To this day, I am more careful (most of the time) and try to pay attention to where I'm walking.

I play pickle ball with a wonderful group of women and the injuries sustained over the past year while playing this fun sport is startling. Most of us are over 65 or thereabouts and the injuries are: pulled tendons in the knees (at least two), nerve pain in the upper arm, calf pulls, plantar fasciitis, and several other painful injuries. One of the most serious was a fall that resulted in a fractured wrist and a concussion.

What we have learned from the pros is that it is essential to spend sufficient time before playing to warm up.  Everyone should do this, regardless of age, but the older generation should take even more care to do this, for the obvious reasons (older muscles and bones, arthritis, stiffness and other ailments that occur as we age).

In addition, by taking lessons from qualified instructors, we are learning what not to do in order to stay safe.  There are ways to play that keeps us more stable, steadier and less likely to sustain an injury.

Another factor that we should consider is strengthening our muscles and bones with weight lifting. Personally, I'd rather have a root canal than lift weights yet I know how necessary it is to our overall physical condition and well-being.

The only way I can endure lifting weights is doing it in a class at my local gym. I have tried, more than once, using machines and free weights on my own, only to quit before I achieved any results.  It simply bored me.  Classes are the way to go for me. I have been procrastinating on this, but since the latest mishap a friend sustained, I'm committing to strength training classes.

Whatever method you choose in order to get stronger, it is vital to do some strength training to stay able-bodied and robust as we age so that we can engage in the activities we enjoy.

xo

A Review

My first blog post was December 30, 2018.  It's hard to believe that almost one year has passed.

I have enjoyed writing immensely, though at times, it has been a challenge. I was afraid I'd run out of ideas, but that hasn't been the issue. More often than not, I have plenty of ideas yet I wonder if I'm drifting away from the original purpose of this blog - which is to communicate with women of a certain age - primarily over age 55 right on through the 80's about my life's journey; the ups and downs and sometimes roller coaster ride that is part of that adventure. The challenge can be to stay on track and not veer off the original intention of this blog.

I want to share my story and hear about yours. Thus far I've written about the death of my adult son, Anthony, remarriage at a mature age, fitness as we age, hobbies, volunteering, cultural activities  and other subjects.

I'd also like to re-visit certain subjects that are highly relevant but sometimes difficult to discuss, such as the role alcohol plays in our lives, when our partner's lifestyle choices don't agree with ours, injuries and health concerns, friendships and death of friends and many other areas that affect us at this stage of life.

Some of these issues are sensitive and not easy to write about - however, that makes it even more important to address.

I'd love hearing from you, now or later regarding a subject matter that interests you, or a topic you may disagree with or to simply drop me a line.

Until then.....have a blessed and joyful week.

xo

Lessons from a Friend

My friend, Christie, with whom I play pickleball is a hoot! She makes all of us laugh. That's one of the things I like about her. Another thing I admire is she plays hard but doesn't take it too seriously.  She knows there are way more important things in life.

Christie is always willing to lend a helping hand. For example, one day we decided to play at courts I had never been to before and I wasn't familiar with the area and it took about 10 seconds for her to offer to take me with her. 

When we decided to meet socially as a group on a monthly basis, Christie was the first one to offer her home for our get together.

Our group has a texting account where we share news, plan pickleball games, ask questions, etc. and Christie is always one to answer those questions or offer assistance to anyone who needs it. She never needs encouragement. Christie is self-motivated to help.

Her upbeat attitude and joyful nature is contagious. One can't help having a good time when she is around.

Now, don't get me wrong. Christie is not a pushover or Pollyanna. I have seen more than one time where she has stood up for someone who didn't have the courage to speak up for themselves. She is able to do it firmly and confidently.

I admire all of the traits she possesses. I love it when I make a new friend and they have qualities that remind me of areas I may have let slide and how to embrace those virtues and bring them back into my life.

I am blessed to be able to call her my friend.

xo

A Little More on Brain Health

In my last post I wrote about a bit of research I've done on brain health since my friend was diagnosed with Mild Cognitive Impairment and I listed several things we can do to help protect ourselves from the various forms of dementia, with Alzheimer's being the most common type.

I have discovered that there are many risk factors that some of us engage in that contribute to low blood flow to the brain and low blood flow is the number one predictor of future Alzheimer's disease.

Blood Flow Risks That Drain Your Brain:

- Excessive caffeine
- Nicotine
- Dehydration
- Hypertension
- Any cardiovascular disease
- Erectile dysfunction
- Oxygen deprivation (such as near drowning)
- Too little exercise

As Dr. Daniel Amen explains in his latest book: Feel Better Fast and Make It Last;  "Circulation is essential to life. It is the conduit for transporting nutrients to, and toxins away from your cells. Low blood flow shrinks the brain and kills its cells".......He goes on to say: "What's more, if you have blood flow problems anywhere, you likely have them throughout your body."

I have decided to explore my health markers by scheduling an extensive blood test that I will take this week.  One of my main concerns is inflammation in the body, as this, too, affects brain health.

No, I'm not getting obsessive about my brain health, just curious to see how I'm doing. And, at least we have some say in the matter.  As I have said before, I plan on living well into my 90's and with God's help - even possibly into my 100's!

xo

Brain Health

A dear friend of mine was recently diagnosed with mild cognitive impairment. Apparently, that is a precursor to a more sinister disease: Alzheimer's . About 8 out of 10 people with mild cognitive impairment or MCI go on to develop Alzheimer's within 7 years. There currently is no treatment for MCI.  It is recommended that if diagnosed with MCI one should see their doctor every 6 months for further testing.

My interest in brain health has increased tenfold since my friend's diagnosis.  I have always been curious about how the brain works but now I'm earnestly seeking more information.

Research suggests genetic factors may play a role in who will develop MCI. Studies are underway to learn more.

Dr. Daniel Amen, psychiatrist and brain disorder specialist and Dr. Michael Merzenich, professor emeritus neuroscientist at UCSF have completed numerous studies on brain health.  Dr. Merzenich has concentrated much of his work on how to keep our brains healthy as we age and explains that we have more control over our brain health than previously thought.

Apparently, the same habits that keep our bodies healthy are also responsible for brain health, such as:
- A diet rich in fruits and vegetables.
- Daily exercise - ideally 5 days a week for 30 minutes or more.
- Little or no alcohol.
- Diversify activities - visit museums, go to the ballet, symphony,  or anything that is new to you.
- Keep curious about life and your surroundings - notice the flowers, sky, people around you.
- Engage in conversation about new subjects, try doing puzzles and online brain games.
- Try a new sport or game - ones that utilize eye/hand coordination are especially effective.

I'm going to keep reading and learning to see what else I can do to keep my brain functioning at it's optimal best.  I plan on living well into my 90's and hopefully beyond.  I'm sure this will not be the last post I write about this subject.

xo

Self Critical

I tend to be a tad self-critical.  Not in all things. Only the things that are important to me at the time. At the moment it happens to be pickleball.

I'm playing with a wonderful group of women, some who are more advanced in the game than I.  Some who are less. My problem lies in the moments I feel I should play better - I miss a shot, hit the ball out of the court, whatever. I silently (and sometimes loudly) berate myself. I thought this was normal until one of my pickleball buddies pointed out to me how hard I am on myself and how that behavior affects my game - for the worst. If I acknowledged that the shot was an error and simply got over it, I'd be a better player.

Do any of you find that you are hard on yourself? Expecting to be perfect?  Wanting to excel at something right out of the box? I'm not foolish. Of course I know that with practice we get better at whatever we attempt, it's in the moment that I don't manage to apply that knowledge.

Now, having raised two children, I actually know this. Utilizing this is a lot different than teaching it to children. Thanks Elaine, for pointing that out to me.

Bob Iger, the CEO and Chairman of Disney, in an interview with Oprah said he believes in the pursuit of perfection, not to be more successful but to be better at what he does. He went on to say; that perfection is not being perfect - it's not giving up.

That's what I'm after - to be better at what I do and to not give up. And, the lesson I got from my friend is that I will be better at what I do if I am kinder and more forgiving to myself. This is true in all areas of our lives, in all that we do.  I'm learning to give myself a break and quit being self-critical.  I love the game of pickleball and the game of life and I do believe I will enjoy both even more and play and live better if I simply relax and have fun with all of it.

xo

Breast Cancer Awareness Month

Most of us, once we reach our fifties and beyond, know at least one person who has had breast cancer, or a friend of a friend who has been diagnosed.  It is frightening.

Two years ago my sister was diagnosed. One week later, during the course of my annual mammogram, a "suspicious thickening" was detected. After several other tests, it was decided that there wasn't a tumor or lump of any kind, simply my dense breasts giving us a scare.  Phew.  Got out of that one.

My sister wasn't as lucky.  She underwent a lumpectomy followed by 4 weeks of radiation and several months later, reconstructive surgery (the radiation left her breast a bit deformed). She is, thank God, cancer-free today.

In addition to my sister, I have four friends who have been diagnosed, treated and are cancer-free today. It appears it is becoming an epidemic. However, I believe the reality is that more women than ever are having mammograms and/or are doing breast self-exams.  And the wonderful news is that with all the screenings we have for early detection and the various modes of treatment more women than ever are surviving and living long, productive lives.

In addition, we now know that we have a huge say in our health in general, and breast health specifically.  It's been proven that a healthy diet consisting of lots of fruit and vegetables, small amounts (or no amount) of alcohol, and physical exercise at least three days a week goes a long way in preventing this dreaded disease.

In addition, cutting way back on chemical use in the home is considered a smart move - as in using more natural cleaning products, and hair and body items, as well.

My husband's mother died when she was in her 40's from breast cancer, my hubby was 13 years old, when he and his three siblings were left without their mom. The 5 year survival rate in the '60's was very low  - about 65%.  Now it is 90+%.

And let us not forget about men.  Although rare, breast cancer does affect men as well. Before I moved to Arizona, I volunteered for To Celebrate Life an organization that assists under-served cancer patients in Marin County and surrounding areas and we had several men in the group.

Let us do all we can to stay healthy and cancer-free and remind your friends and family to do monthly breast self-exams and yearly mammograms.

P.S.  After writing this post, it was announced that Beyonce's father was diagnosed with breast cancer.  Sadly, no on is immune.  Let us be well and healthy.

xo