Helping a Friend

 I am so pleased when I can help a friend, honored to be asked to lend a hand. Whether it's a minor request such as borrowing the proverbial cup of sugar or a larger request.

Whenever my friends Shannon and Dan go away, they often ask me to water their plants. I'm pleased to help out. She is always willing to be of assistance when hubby and I go away. We know we can count on each other. 

"When we give cheerfully and accept gratefully, everyone is blessed." - Maya Angelou

Three or so years ago, I met a lovely elderly woman at an art lecture. Before the talk began, we struck up a conversation. It was easy and light, as though we knew one another and reconnected after being apart. 

A friendship ensued. Sarah travels to Arizona for the winters and maintains a home here, as many "snowbirds" do.

When the Covid descended upon us, we knew we wouldn't be able to see one another until conditions became safe.

I was perplexed to hear that she never left Arizona last April! Shortly before her departure date, she was handed a breast cancer diagnosis and underwent a bilateral mastectomy. She endured this alone. Never made a phone call to me or anyone. She was admitted to a nursing facility after surgery, as she was not permitted to return to her home without a care provider.

I would have been happy to help out; however, I was left in the dark. It would have been too risky to go into her home to help her, but surely I could cook meals for her a few times a week and leave them on her porch. It would have been easy for me to call and see if she needed anything.

Danielle, a dear friend of over 30 years, was planning to visit her daughter, Ava, and a new baby in California.  She needed a place to stay as it wasn't safe to stay with Ava due to Covid. I live in Arizona for most of the year, and I have an apartment in California.

Danielle hesitantly asked if there was any possibility she could stay in my apartment for this visit. Immediately, I said, of course! I was tickled to help out during this special time; the birth of her first grandchild, a sweet 5 pound 6-ounce boy. 

Regrettably, her driver's license had expired, and the new one had not arrived, so she could not rent a car. I offered the use of my car since it was sitting idle, and Danielle gladly accepted.

Yes, you guessed it. While parked in front of Ava's house, my car was hit by an older woman on this narrow street. She also hit the car parked in front of mine and totaled it, along with her own. Fortunately, the driver was uninjured but shaken up. It appeared my car, luckily, suffered only minor damage.

"Appeared" being the operative word. The estimate from the auto body shop was a dizzying $12,200! What? The car didn't show any significant damage. All the damage was underneath, sight unseen until it was put on the lift.

 Luckily, the driver's insurance company approved the estimate, and work will be started immediately.

I have no regrets that I loaned my car to Danielle. She is my forever friend, and  I would do it again. Friends are more important than things. Sure, this was a hassle both for her and me, but I consider friendships to be one of life's blessings. 

"Those who are the happiest are those who do the most for others." - Booker T. Washington.

xo

My Friend Matt

My friend Matt died last week. We've known one another for almost 40 years. When our boys were young and best buddies, we were neighbors. His wife was my closest friend, as often happens when children play together daily. 

Now he is gone. Suddenly and without warning. Do we want a sign that death is imminent, or is it better to go quickly?

We really don't have a choice, now do we?

Our family moved three hours away when our children were still young. It was sad at first. However, we took turns visiting almost monthly. This brought Cindy and me and our boys closer together, as we spent entire weekends at one another's home. I also was able to get to know Matt on a deeper level, and we had many memorable conversations; about art, architecture, and Frank Lloyd Wright, Matt's hero and artists I admired, such as Monet and Van Gogh.

Cindy and Matt were married for over 50 years. He was devoted to her, and she loved him despite her complaints that he played too much golf.

 It is shocking for the family when death comes unexpectedly. Yet, emotionally painful for all when the loved one is ill and suffering for a seemingly endless amount of time.

We have the chance to be the care provider and be present for physical and emotional support when there is an indication that a loved one is ill. Preparations can be made for the patient and the family.

We may be stunned and overwhelmed when death comes suddenly and surprisingly.

There's a bit of a twist here that is confusing.  However, when the reason for Matt's sudden death was discovered, the confusion was resolved.

Matt was admitted to the hospital with viral pneumonia and immediately put on a regimen expected to quickly remedy his condition. Unfortunately, that did not happen. Instead, a pulmonary embolism assaulted his lungs. That negated the possibility of doing a biopsy that may have diagnosed an underlying problem.

His condition rapidly deteriorated, and within two weeks, he died, surrounded by his wife, son, and daughter. Heartbreaking and bewildering. 

Matt was a healthy man, who ate right, quit drinking, and, in fact, played golf the day before his admittance to the hospital.

After going through Matt's medical records for the prior three years, it was discovered that he was diagnosed with and informed that he had a rare respiratory illness due to Agent Orange from his time in Vietnam. Over the years, the effects of this poison damaged his lungs. 

One year ago, Matt was told his condition was terminal. 

What? You mean he knew he was sick and did not inform his wife and children? Exactly. I'm convinced that Matt did not want to "worry" them. Being the head of his family, a man of high values, integrity, and courage, Matt preferred to spare them concern and anguish and deal with his health on his terms.

My friend Cindy is dealing with her grief as best she can. I am not certain how long it will be before I can hug and comfort her. Unfortunately, travel right now is not safe. If only through the phone lines, hearing a compassionate voice helps, so I often check in with her.

Matt was an architect, and Frank Lloyd Wright was his mentor and luminary. This quote from Mr. Wright defines the qualities Matt embodied:

"Love is the virtue of the Heart, Sincerity is the virtue of the Mind, Decision is the virtue of the Will, Courage is the virtue of the Spirit."

xo

The Love of Learning

"Love of learning is the most necessary passion...in it lies our happiness. It's a sure remedy for what ails us, an unending source of pleasure." - Emille du Chatelet.

I love learning. I'm curious as a cat. A headline of a story may get my attention. In last Sunday's New York Times, an article about an interesting study was done showing a link between physical activity and creativity. It finds that creative people develop more and better ideas during tests of their inventiveness than those who are relatively sedentary. This article could easily lead to more research on my part and down into the vortex. I'm determined to indulge my interest in this latest narrative.

Inspiring artists, their lives, lovers, where and how they lived are fascinating to me. Above all, it is their one-of-a-kind creations of images, shapes, and colors that grab my attention like a hawk upon its prey.  I want to know everything I can about the piece. I own books on my favorite artists and often Google to learn about others. My inquisitiveness is insatiable.

I especially admire Vincent Van Gogh and his painting "Starry Night," one of my favorites. It is almost childlike in its simplicity, yet the colors and movement could not be created by a child. 

His short and tragic life is fascinating, and I never tire of learning about him.

Health and fitness, especially for women in this stage of our lives, has become a priority for most, and I'm no exception. We want to navigate our remaining years with vigor, strength, and health. 

Reading up on the latest news to help me stay fit and healthy is fun for me. This has become another avocation. My interest in the current findings is also creating new neural pathways in the brain—all learning aids in keeping us young and thriving.

Many of you do the same - always looking for original ways to stay vital and engaged.

Exercising my body by either walking, hiking, lifting weights, or playing pickleball are activities I enjoy six days a week. I know women who feel exercising is a chore. Not me. I love being outdoors in the fresh air, feeling the cold crispness on my skin while the day is rife with possibilities. Not only am I moving my body, but taking in my surroundings energizes my mind, as well. Stimulating discussions often occur when walking with my dear friend, Shannon. 

If it's a pickleball game I'm playing, I love the group's easy competition and camaraderie. Learning a new technique while playing is not uncommon. Learning can appear in many forms.

"Anyone who stops learning is old, whether at twenty or eighty. Anyone who keeps learning stays young." - Henry Ford.

Books of fiction, non-fiction, memoirs, historical novels, you name it, I want it! There aren't enough hours in a day or days in a week to read all the books I aspire to. My absolute favorite time of the day is the evening when I cuddle up in bed an hour or two before hubby joins me to dig into my latest tome —what a treat.

I have recently accepted an invitation from a friend that has taken me out of my comfort zone. Isn't that what stretching our learning muscles is meant to do? 

Meg was a creative writing professor at one of the nation's top universities. She is currently penning a book of poems and was in a bit of a slump. She asked me to be her creative writing partner. Little ole me? My writing resume' consists of my journal and this blog. As frightened as I was to take on this challenge, I jumped on it. I couldn't pass up an opportunity to learn from a pro. 

The enjoyment I'm experiencing, together with the knowledge I am gaining, is priceless. 

As though the critiques weren't enough, Meg encouraged me to submit an article to Medium.com - to push me even further outside my safe haven. With much trepidation, I did, and the feeling was euphoric. 

In case you're still not convinced that ongoing learning is critical for us as we age, several studies were conducted. It was determined that maintaining curiosity in old age is protective against cognitive and physical decline. It also helps protect against depression.

You may have experienced, as I have, that the desire to learn and the attainment of new ideas, skills, and knowledge simply gives one a thirst for even more. It's an infinite thread. 

As I see it, once we cease to learn, we cease to live.

xo

Live Now

Michael Singer, the author of "The Untethered Soul," seriously startled me with the following: 

"It is truly a great cosmic paradox that one of the best teachers in all of life turns out to be death. No person or situation could tell you that you are not your body; death shows you. While someone could remind you of the insignificance of the things that you cling to, death takes them all away in a second. While people can teach you that men and women of all races are equal and that there is no difference between the rich and poor, death instantly makes us all the same."

 Most of us know this subconsciously, yet it is not something we think about. Mr. Singer defines death sensitively and accurately. I'm not saying that this quote has changed my life; however, it has made a significant impression. 

If you knew you had one week to live, what would you do? What would you change? How would your thoughts change? Are you making the most of your days, or are you wasting time, treating it like it's not something precious? Michael asks these questions in his book. 

It definitely has given me a lot to think about. I love this part: .." the Angel of Death comes to you and says, 'Come, it's time to go.' You say, 'But no, You're supposed to give me a warning so I can decide what I want to do with my last week. I'm supposed to get one more week.' Do you know what Death will say to you? He'll say, 'My God! I gave you fifty-two weeks this past year alone. And look at all the other weeks I've given you. Why would you need one more? What did you do with all those?' If asked that, what are you going to say? How will you answer? 'I wasn't paying attention...I didn't think it mattered.' That's a pretty amazing thing to say about your life."

Let's not squander in any way, one millisecond. Even with this pandemic, it is possible to make the most of our days. Yes, take time to nourish yourself, emotionally, spiritually, and physically - that is of utmost importance. Be sure to do the things that matter to you, the things we often think we'll do later. For me, it's picking up the phone to call a loved one I haven't spoken to recently. To go for a hike, to resurrect my easel, paints, brushes, or write my thoughts in my journal before they escape my consciousness.

What is it you have been postponing for another day? I repeat, do not waste another minute of this beautiful, precious life.  I say, do it now.

xo

A Vision for Women

 Yesterday, as my Golden Retriever, Merlin, and I took our daily walk, we passed by the Islamic mosque not far from our neighborhood. I looked up to see the warming morning sun shining through the metal crescent moon atop the building. Thoughts of Middle Eastern countries where mosques are a common sight came to mind. My immediate opinion was of the women in many of these countries and how repressed they are even today in advancing women's rights.

In Saudi Arabia, for example, women were finally given the right to drive. However, there are many conditions in place, making it difficult for them to do so. Activists were imprisoned immediately before the lifting of the restrictions and remain there, enduring torture. Specific archaic ways, such as parents choosing a husband for their daughter, are ongoing despite protestation.

How fortunate are we to be American women? It hasn't always been this way, as you know. Thankfully, many brave, forward-thinking women preceded us and paved the roads ahead. True, a great deal of work still needs to be done before the playing field can be leveled in various areas.

Just last week, Kamala Harris was sworn in as the first woman elected vice president and the first Asian woman of color.

My vision is that she will be the first of a long line of brilliant, paradigm-changing female political leaders, regardless of race or color, leading the way for all of us.

"You don't make progress by standing on the sidelines, whimpering and complaining. You make progress by implementing ideas." - Shirley Chisholm.

Those of us in the third third of our lives had witnessed major transformations since we were young women when we were considered "the weaker sex."

A few interesting statistics:

- Women are 47% of the U.S. labor force, up from 30% in 1950

- Wages are on the increase, yet for every dollar a man earns, women make only $.83

- We are more likely to have a degree than men

- In 40% of households, women are the primary breadwinners

- We have made important inroads in politics yet are only 20% of Congress and 25% of state legislators

I have a few ambitious plans for the next several years of my life, and excitement is brewing as I picture what I can yet accomplish. I think, no, I know - this is one of the secrets to keeping us young and vital and engaged in life.

What are your intentions in the ensuing years? 

We must have a vision for what American women can accomplish in all capacities. Do you feel as I do that the moment is ideal for us to take a huge leap? 

With a president as compassionate and fair as Joe Biden, a strong, independent First Lady, and a change agent like Kamala Harris, how can we miss?

"Go out on a limb. That's where the fruit is." - Jimmy Carter

xo

Exhale

I held my breath for the first half of the inauguration. 

Like many of you, for the past week or so, I'd been languishing in a state of apprehension and fear leading up to yesterday's swearing-in ceremony.

Then, simply seeing the calm confidence in the eyes of the past presidents as they entered, brought a sense of knowing that all would be well.

It was more than well. It was dignified, uplifting, energizing and, restored my faith that our country would heal and that the healing began as soon as Joe Biden was sworn in as our 46th president.

I am immensely proud of our newly elected president and vice-president and the character, wisdom, and combined determination they possess to bring needed changes to our nation.

Joe Biden and Kamala Harris are precisely what this nation needs to deliver us out of this pandemic, economic crisis, and disharmony that descended upon us like the tornado in the Wizard of Oz.

I'm proud of all Americans for taking their responsibility and voting privilege seriously and delivering our nation into the hands of a respected, experienced and, wise man. 

See, we've had the power all along. We can finally take a much needed exhale. We are going home, again.

xo

Fear and the Inauguration

I usually publish on Thursdays but because of the inauguration on Wednesday, I felt moved to share my thoughts with you now.

Today, two days prior to the swearing-in of our new president, I'm nervous. No, I'm stressed, troubled, and terrified. 

Pro-Trump supporters who stormed the Capitol on January 6 are formulating a plan to disrupt the ceremony and perhaps, to cause harm to our newly elected president and vice-president, and others.

Washington, D.C. is on lockdown. Rigorous precautions are being implemented. Armed troops and beefed up security measures are being put in place to fortify the U.S. Capitol in response to increased fears of domestic terrorism. Still, my fears are not allayed. 

Yesterday, a man was arrested with an "unauthorized" inauguration credential. After searching his vehicle authorities discovered an unregistered, loaded Glock pistol with 509 rounds and 21 shotgun shells. I'm sure he is not alone in his attempt to penetrate security.

Many of us will never forget the horrifying day President Kennedy was shot by a sniper. This is my biggest fear for our new president. With the newest technology available to anyone, an assassin can be miles away and remain undetected. 

I want to scream from the rooftops: Move this inauguration indoors!

Yet there is no guarantee there is safety indoors. There is no telling how deep these mobsters will dig into their bag of tricks filled with hostility and antipathy.

Are you as frightened as I? Do you believe 20,000 National Guardsmen are sufficient to protect the president-elect? Will the "unscalable" barbed wire fence be enough to provide a sense of safety? We do not have the answers. 

I pray that Joe Biden, Kamala Harris, and all the participants engaging in the inauguration will be safe and secure.

I'm keeping the faith, that by this hour, on January 20th, we can take a unified sigh of relief.

xo

  

Unbelievable Yet Not Surprising

I rarely write about politics, however, I cannot keep quiet considering the traumatic events that occurred last week. 

How does one begin to dismantle and understand what transpired on January 6, 2021, at our Capitol? Perhaps the easy answer is; one doesn't. It is incomprehensible that the actions, violence, and destruction that was leveled against our government and lawmakers actually befell our nation in this era of uber security. 

The thing is; there were numerous signs that trouble was imminent. 

For four years this president has given the American public reason to be concerned. In the days leading up to the riots, he encouraged and incited the protestors to "fight like hell". They were akin to hungry lions awaiting their prey.  

Also, Trump, Jr., Rudy Guiliani, and several top Republicans threatened to take back the "stolen election". All insinuated the likelihood that force would be used.

Accounts of the vandalism and ransacking have been on the news non-stop and it is sickening. Yet, I have been drawn to it like a fly to honey. 

Five people have died as a result of this domestic terrorism. Heartbreaking. 

We are holding our collective breath fearing that there will be another assault on or before the inauguration.

How do we remain calm? Is it even possible to continue with a sense of normalcy in the aftermath of the attack on our democracy? I'm saddened by these events as I'm certain you are, as well. 

Once again, we must find deep within us, faith, that those responsible for desecrating our Capitol and the death of Officer Sicknick and others, will be brought to justice. 

We are stalwart Americans and will not permit a reckless, crazed mob to rob us of our rights, our election, our dignity or, our democracy.

xo

Welcome to 2021

 Do you have plans for this new year? Have you made resolutions you are determined to accomplish?

I thought I'd begin my project of plans and goals by making a "To Do List" of sorts.  I did not expect it to be several pages. Yes, I've probably gone into more detail than necessary, still the list is lengthy and I am not deterred.

Much of what is on this list are items I planned on completing in 2020 - however, I, along with the rest of the world, was met with an alarming roadblock known as Covid-19.  The projects I'm referring to are mainly changes I planned on making in and around our home. I put all these on hold as I was afraid to have workmen in our home during this terribly contagious time. 

I was even apprehensive about going to Home Depot or other garden stores for fear of catching the virus, so I did not plant one flower the entire year.

The vaccine is on it's way. True, it is not a cure-all, but I do feel that the end of the pandemic is in sight and I am feeling more optimistic than I have been in many months, thus, the long list of projects.

More important than these projects around the home is what is going on inside of me. Paradoxically, despite my optimism, I often have a feeling of dread. Perhaps the end of the pandemic really is not just around the corner. Then I remind myself, I must stay open and receptive to life. This is not the time to shut down, it is the time to power up.

We have been abiding by the CDC recommendations to wear a mask, wash and sanitize hands, cell phones, door knobs, on and on ad infinitum. Again, this may seem counterintuitive, but for me it has created an atmosphere of doom not one of safety.

It is time to take back our lives. Yes, continue to listen to the science of safety recommendations but for Pete's sake, let's remember we are brave and smart, competent, caring and careful. We have much to look forward to in the upcoming year and many opportunities for growth and learning, friendship and love, giving and sharing. Let us be grateful for all we have and the lessons we have learned this year. Let's be at peace and learn to appreciate life - with all it's ups and downs.

"Above all, be the heroine of your life, not the victim." Nora Ephron.

xo

Addendum:

I could not publish this post, that was written several days ago, without saying how devastated and heartbroken I am by the desecration of our Capitol Building and our democracy, by the protestors, rather hoodlums, that attacked and overran the offices of our lawmakers. These people were incited by a president who is now responsible for one of the saddest days in the history of our nation. I'm sure you are as shocked and horrified as I am.

We are only two weeks away from Joe Biden's inauguration.  I am sure that decency, respect, integrity, fairness, calm and peace will be restored. 

Bye-Bye, So Long 2020 - Hello to Hope

 To say this was a year unlike any other in modern history is putting it mildly. The word 'unprecedented' has been widely overused, but it fits.

2020 began like any other year - with expectations and optimistic plans, knowing that it was the President's last year of his term. The election gave us hope that we could restore harmony after enduring the ongoing hostility fueled by this divisive President.

Almost before we could pen our resolutions for the new year, we were sideswiped with the Coronavirus. As we know, it spread like wildfire and is still raging as I write. This virus devastated our nation with the loss of over 333,000 lives and 19 million recorded infections. 

How will we ever be able to thank our health care and front line workers for risking their lives and for all they've sacrificed in order to help those in need? 

The unemployment rate reached nearly 15%, the highest since the Great Depression. Many lost their businesses, their jobs and their hope.

More tragedy as George Floyd, Breonna Taylor and many other Black Americans were killed by police, unleashing riots and more killings.

In addition, we lost many irreplaceable men and women including Ruth Bader Ginsburg, Kobe Bryant, John Lewis, Alex Trebek and Chadwick Boseman.

Add to this, the horrific fires in California leaving many dead, and thousands homeless.

The good news; neighbors checking in on one another, we're cooking at home and eating more healthily and becoming creative with exercise. I, for one, noticed many more folks out walking and hiking than before the pandemic. Working from home has become the norm and many companies will continue this realizing the cost savings and increase in productivity. In addition, working from home has resulted in a cleaner, less polluted environment.

Four long days of holding our breath until Joe Biden and Kamala Harris were at last declared the victors of the election. Hope, once again prevails.

Yes, our lives have been changed forever, and God willing our voices and  tenacity will once again raise our nation up. We have a compassionate, resolute and wise new President and able, competent Vice President to lead us forward.

Happy New Year and let's look forward to a productive, peaceful and healthy 2021.

xo

Winter Holidays Unlike Any Other

 What a year we've had. It's not quite wrapped up, yet the end is in sight. This doesn't mean that the issues we've lived through are over, and uncertainty still hovers over us, however, we have so much good news to celebrate.

The first vaccine has been rolled out and our tireless and dedicated first responders and medical workers are being inoculated across the country. The second pharmaceutical company's vaccine has also arrived and is in the process of being distributed, as well.

Finally, the official Electoral College ratified Joe Biden as our 46th president, regardless of what Mr. Trump and certain Republicans profess. In the not too distant future, our new President and Vice-president will be sworn in and a new era will begin.

This holiday we have much to be grateful for. I'm optimistic that the people of this great country will unite and realize that despite our political or religious differences, the color of our skin or our economic status, we are the same. We all hurt when our loved ones are in pain and rejoice when there is success. We must feel sadness in order to feel real joy. An open heart is the only way to live.

We may be celebrating with our families via Zoom - still Christmas, Hanukkah or any of the many other festivities that may be planned are important and we are fortunate to be alive to enjoy them. Time is a gift. I feel blessed every morning when I've been graced with another day. We must enjoy the present - every second of it.  Let us ask what can I appreciate today and how can I share it? 

I'm sure you too, have mixed feelings about the holidays. This year has been a year unlike any we could have imagined or have lived through and the holidays will also be extraordinary and unusual, nevertheless, the end of the pandemic appears to be in sight and we must keep the faith that all will be well.

My wish to you is a memorable holiday filled with joy, laughter and hope. 

xo