My Friend Matt

My friend Matt died last week. We've known one another for almost 40 years. When our boys were young and best buddies, we were neighbors. His wife was my closest friend, as often happens when children play together daily. 

Now he is gone. Suddenly and without warning. Do we want a sign that death is imminent, or is it better to go quickly?

We really don't have a choice, now do we?

Our family moved three hours away when our children were still young. It was sad at first. However, we took turns visiting almost monthly. This brought Cindy and me and our boys closer together, as we spent entire weekends at one another's home. I also was able to get to know Matt on a deeper level, and we had many memorable conversations; about art, architecture, and Frank Lloyd Wright, Matt's hero and artists I admired, such as Monet and Van Gogh.

Cindy and Matt were married for over 50 years. He was devoted to her, and she loved him despite her complaints that he played too much golf.

 It is shocking for the family when death comes unexpectedly. Yet, emotionally painful for all when the loved one is ill and suffering for a seemingly endless amount of time.

We have the chance to be the care provider and be present for physical and emotional support when there is an indication that a loved one is ill. Preparations can be made for the patient and the family.

We may be stunned and overwhelmed when death comes suddenly and surprisingly.

There's a bit of a twist here that is confusing.  However, when the reason for Matt's sudden death was discovered, the confusion was resolved.

Matt was admitted to the hospital with viral pneumonia and immediately put on a regimen expected to quickly remedy his condition. Unfortunately, that did not happen. Instead, a pulmonary embolism assaulted his lungs. That negated the possibility of doing a biopsy that may have diagnosed an underlying problem.

His condition rapidly deteriorated, and within two weeks, he died, surrounded by his wife, son, and daughter. Heartbreaking and bewildering. 

Matt was a healthy man, who ate right, quit drinking, and, in fact, played golf the day before his admittance to the hospital.

After going through Matt's medical records for the prior three years, it was discovered that he was diagnosed with and informed that he had a rare respiratory illness due to Agent Orange from his time in Vietnam. Over the years, the effects of this poison damaged his lungs. 

One year ago, Matt was told his condition was terminal. 

What? You mean he knew he was sick and did not inform his wife and children? Exactly. I'm convinced that Matt did not want to "worry" them. Being the head of his family, a man of high values, integrity, and courage, Matt preferred to spare them concern and anguish and deal with his health on his terms.

My friend Cindy is dealing with her grief as best she can. I am not certain how long it will be before I can hug and comfort her. Unfortunately, travel right now is not safe. If only through the phone lines, hearing a compassionate voice helps, so I often check in with her.

Matt was an architect, and Frank Lloyd Wright was his mentor and luminary. This quote from Mr. Wright defines the qualities Matt embodied:

"Love is the virtue of the Heart, Sincerity is the virtue of the Mind, Decision is the virtue of the Will, Courage is the virtue of the Spirit."

xo