Without compassion for ourselves, we will fail.
Some of us were raised with parents who believed that pointing out our errors and missteps was how to raise strong and resilient children. Perhaps we did grow up to be tough and tenacious.
The problem with that type of childrearing also brought about self-criticism and maybe even lower self-esteem than kindness and gentle guidance would have begotten.
Those of us raised that way, and I was one, also tend to have less self-compassion. Less acceptance of our mistakes. Often our go-to knee-jerk reaction to an error we’ve made — or something we consider a blunder is harsh criticism.
How could I have been so stupid to say that? What will she think of me? When will I learn to say, do, or even think the “right” thing?
Enter self-compassion. The elixir of self-criticism. The magic potion that can teach us acceptance and help us eradicate self-contempt.
Self-contempt is a harsh word, yet it is often aroused whenever we beat ourselves up for an imagined or possible severe blunder.
Perhaps, a silly mistake only brings out a bit of embarrassment. Yet, even being embarrassed by our misstep is a slap in the face of kindness to ourselves.
Let us be kind to ourselves always.
* * *
After a game of pickleball, one of the players commented on how frustrated she was about her level of play that day. She chastised herself for easy shots blown and how inept she was to miss them.
Immediately, the three of us who played with her jumped right in. We reassured her that everyone has a bad game or even an entire day’s worth of bad games. We told her that she wouldn’t speak to a friend or child that way — why was she doing it to herself?
We laughed as we realized that we had committed similar self-criticisms, and did it improve our game? Not in the slightest.
Self-criticism can shut us down from improving in any endeavor and thwart our self-confidence in a heartbeat.
Kindness and self-compassion will improve our game much quicker. Of course, realizing what we did wrong and taking appropriate steps to correct that shot is also valuable.
Wherever our lack of confidence shows up, we must take actionable measures to learn and grow — whether in a sport, writing, or being a better friend. Our self-esteem will unfold with knowledge and self-kindness.
Also, your confidence will expand by trusting yourself and being your best cheerleader. Practice self-love by reminding yourself how capable you are. Reclaim your self-esteem by reflecting on all the successes and wins you have attained, significant and minor.
"If your compassion does not include yourself, it is incomplete. "— Budda
I remind myself daily — we are put on earth to experience joy, spread love, and be grateful for all we have. Calling these words to mind also reinforces our confidence and self-love.
You deserve love. Above all, you deserve to love yourself.
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