I Love These 3 Powerful Questions to Ask Before the End of the Year

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I'm not saying resolutions aren't necessary; however, let's take a different view.

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I'm a New Year's Resolutions maker. I always have been, for as long as I can remember.

I look forward to it. It seems like a way to wipe the slate clean of last year's boo-boos and start fresh.

Sure, I plan to accomplish a few things, such as new granite countertops for our bathrooms, fresh paint, and a new shower. I procrastinated on these during Covid.

There are a few personal intentions as well — gaining a level in my pickleball rating and a larger readership here on this blog.

However, is there a better idea?

 I received an email from Marie Forleo, entrepreneur and author of Everything is Figureoutable. I love her philosophy — yes, everything is indeed figure outable — just don't give up. 

Her email suggested that instead of setting goals for 2022, we ask ourselves the following three questions:

• What did you do, create or experience that you're really proud of?
• What mistakes did you make that taught you something? What lessons did you learn that you can leverage?
• What's one limiting story you're ready to let go of before the New Year?

I plan to give these questions deep thought and see what I arrive at. I've already intuitively decided on my answers. However, I want to explore further and see what else appears in my heart and mind.

I have written about how we're wired NOT to congratulate ourselves for our victories — big or small. Now is the time to revisit this area. Of course, you've had wins — time to acknowledge them.

Mistakes — who me? Of course. Time to review them, as well, and see what can we learn from them. This is not a reason to beat ourselves up but to learn from them.

Have you carried an item or two from the previous year's goal list into the next year? Perhaps it's time to re-think these goals. Could it be that it no longer fits you or the life you've created?

What about letting go of resentment, anger, and shame you've been lugging around for way too long?

Just as cleaning out a closet allows fresh goodies to enter — so does clearing out old goals and angst that is no longer valid today. Let's make way for new and meaningful intentions.

I must drop my waistline ideal! If I haven't managed to achieve it in the past five years — adios. Ain't going to happen.

"It’s not till you let go of something that you see how it's been holding you back." -Marie Forleo.

What do you think about goals? Do you still plan on setting some? Goals are not a bad thing. They're a way of creating and achieving dreams and visions — and I say go for it. 

However, keep them reasonable and attainable and vital to your happiness. Otherwise, what's the point?

Wishing you a healthy, happy, and blessed 2022. 

Have You Considered Being Alcohol-free This Merry Holiday Season?

You may be pleasantly surprised by how satisfying sobriety can be.

Photo by Kate Hliznitsova on Unsplash

My mother was an incredible baker. For the three or so nights leading up to Christmas Eve, we could find her in the kitchen baking her heart out till the wee hours of the morning.

Mom would nip sherry while creating these delicacies— way before she was identified as an alcoholic many years later. The confections were delicious and gorgeous —as she was able to control her imbibing.

My childhood was filled with fearful anticipation that my father would erupt in anger over a minor mishap during our Christmas Eve celebration. We always had a houseful of guests — family and friends. It didn't matter who was there if Dad was annoyed — lookout.

 I lived with anxiety, as my father was unhappy and combative.

I had no idea alcohol was the catalyst behind his outbursts. Many years later, I learned he, too, was an alcoholic.

My drinking started in my teens and continued throughout my adulthood.

When I was a homemaker and mother, I followed in my mother's footsteps. My husband would buy me a bottle of Bailey's Irish Cream, a Christmas tradition, and I would sip from a dainty little footed glass — all night long.

My bottle was empty within two nights (maybe three, if I was disciplined). Mom had more self-control than I. Miraculously, my cookies were still quite yummy and pretty, too.

No surprise, I inherited my fondness for libations from parents who were addicted. I'm sure this taste for alcohol was more a learned behavior than genetic.

 The few breaks I took from swilling were through two pregnancies and breastfeeding.

As a young parent, my Christmas Day began with my hubby and me enjoying mimosas while the children opened their gifts. We'd continue drinking until we put the boys to bed.

For all my adult years, alcohol was part of the festivities. It was simply a given. Didn't everyone celebrate holidays this way?

Christmas 2021 will be my fourth as a sober woman. Damn, I'm proud! And I should be. My sobriety was a hard-won accomplishment.

After retiring and indulging more heavily daily — sobriety was the obvious decision. Something's gotta go. It had to be the booze, or I wouldn't be healthy and hearty for long.

Besides having children, quitting my addiction to alcohol is the absolute best decision I have made.

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My life embodies a joy I had no idea existed. My days are filled with creative endeavors — such as writing for Medium and my blog, creating collages, and constantly changing up the decor in our home to coincide with the seasons. 

I wouldn't be here writing today if it weren't for my sobriety.

Plus, I have added a new sport — pickleball to my days. What a hoot this game is. Not only is pickleball a great way to exercise, but I have also gained a tribe of like-minded women who are now my friends.

My life is richer, busier, and more fulfilling than I could ever have imagined.

If you have the faintest notion that sobriety could be a way of life you would like to explore, I say go for it. I am sure you will discover— sobriety is a kick!

I will not wake on December 26 wondering if I did anything stupid on Christmas. I will not drop the ham. Nor will I catch my hair on fire. I will not get sloppy and teary and embarrass my family. I will not wake up with a hangover.

Yup — you guessed it — all of the above I have experienced on Christmas Days past.

It is a joy to celebrate sober — with a glass of sparkling cider in my favorite crystal flute. 

Gratitude and pride are the most significant blessings I enjoy from being sober.

You can do it, too.

I wish you all a very Merry Christmas filled with love, peace, and joy.

The Top 10 Excuses Keeping You from a More Daring and Exciting Life

Let go of your excuses and live an inspired life.

Photo by Ivana Cajina on Unsplash

How long can we make alibis for why we cannot do the "thing" we want to do?

I lived many years hog-tied by one excuse after another. I'm too old. I can't afford it. I don't have the time.

When are we going to stop this distorted way of thinking and get on with pursuing our dreams?

I know many of you use excuses, as well. A good deal of these justifications seems valid. After all, we have a family to support and can't abandon our responsibilities for some silly idea. We have bills to pay, children to raise, a mortgage that's due, remember?

Wayne Dyer was an American self-help and spiritual author and motivational speaker and one of my favorites. He formulated a list of people's top excuses for not fulfilling their desires. These are ten from his list that resonates with me, and I believe you will recognize them as well:

Top Ten Excuses:

1. I'm too old (or too young).
2. I don't deserve it.
3. I don't have the money.
4. I don't have the time or energy.
5. My family would disapprove.
6. I don't know how.
7. I've never done this before.
8. I don't have the proper training, degree.
9. It's going to be risky.
10. I'm scared.

And the ones I used most often throughout my life:

1. I don't deserve it.
2. I don't have the proper training or degree.
3. I'm scared.
4. I don't have the time.

Being scared or I don't deserve is hidden within every one of my excuses.

What about your excuses? If you are courageous and believe you deserve your dream, you wouldn't have excuses at all. This statement may be an oversimplification; however, that is how it was for me.

Photo by Alexandra Gorn on Unsplash

Excuses become a part of our habitual thinking. This type of reasoning can only do one thing — drag us down. Is that what we want for our lives? Of course not. Then why do we persist in making excuses?

You got it — the F word — fear. The good news is this fear is, for the most part, baseless. Knowing the dread is groundless does not mean we will change our response. However, awareness is the first step to changing any behavior.

Courage is one step ahead of fear. — Coleman Young, American politician and first African-American Mayor of Detroit

Unfortunately, the more you make excuses, the easier it is to continue to make even more, according to Dominic Soh of Thrive Global. I tend to agree with that — it's the power of repetition.

Break the chain of repetition by taking a baby step toward your goal, just one. Then take another. You will gain a bit more courage with each bold action. In addition, an unexpected opening will often occur that moves you even further along with each movement. Call it the Universe lending a hand or a synchronistic gift — whatever we choose to name it, let's say thank you.

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"Life shrinks or expands according to one’s courage.  "— Anais Nin.

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I am so enjoying my newfound avocation — writing. However, I've been silently whining that I don't have enough time for it — one of my top four excuses.

How can that be — I'm retired. Sure, I still have responsibilities, but that is a far cry from those working full-time AND writing! What is my problem, and how can I be so busy?

No excuses — get up earlier to write, stay up later to edit, quit wasting time on nonsensical media stuff, whatever it takes — get on with it and quit complaining.

That eliminates the B.S. excuse — I don't have the time. Make the time for what's important.

And again, to all the full-time workers, you have more of a challenge. Yet you can carve out bits and pieces of time here and there. I know you're creative and most likely have already figured it out.

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The I'm scared excuse held me back for a long time though I never admitted it to anyone, including myself. Being afraid was often why I didn't take on a challenge or new goal. 

Fear can stop me in my tracks even today — though I know better. I now push through the fear — often envisioning my success at the end of the encounter. 

I've finally given up that habit and taken on a few things that scared me, and the results have been exceedingly worthwhile.

I was afraid to try pickleball — I don't know how, I've never done this before, I'm scared, all appeared. I signed up for group classes and had a ball, and now pickleball is my obsession. Plus, I now have a group of equally passionate women who are my friends.

And, yes, there is something to say about giving credence to our fear, as well. Our misgivings could be a warning that there may be something amiss, and check it out before proceeding.

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My goal was writing and publishing on Medium, except for the fear and the lack of training or degree excuses that held me back. That is until my friend, Meg, talked me out of those silly memes, and here I am on Medium.

I'm sure I'm not an isolated example of a writer afraid to publish on this platform or any of the other options available. All the writers on Medium have been an example to me, and I thank you for your guidance and wise, insightful work.

"The journey of a thousand miles begins with one step. "— Lao Tzu, Ancient Chinese philosopher.

People of all ages, occupations, and cultures have overcome their excuses because the desire was loftier than the pretext. Olympic athletes, award-winning actors, incredible musicians, artists of every ilk, extraordinary doers worldwide have overcome their defenses to live the life of their dreams.

We must push past our excuses and take action to achieve our vision. After all, this is the only life we have.

One Simple But Perhaps Not Easy Way to Improve Your Holidays

Try having a sober holiday — I doubt you'll have any remorse.

Diana Leotta

5 days ago·3 min read

Photo by Brooke Lark on Unsplash

I'm waking and opening my eyes early on the day following Thanksgiving. No headache, regrets, or remorse from our Thanksgiving celebration. I'm delighted and grateful — rejoicing in my sobriety.

Even though our holiday was just my husband and me, it could have been an alcohol-filled one, as it was often in years prior.

You would find me stuffing the turkey while swilling champagne even though it wasn't even noon. Hey, it's Thanksgiving! — was my reasoning. My husband would imbibe right along with me, my partner in crime.

We would've polished off a couple of bottles by the time we were ready to enjoy the turkey and the side dishes we'd prepared. We'd thought that was fun.

Too many years I awoke on Black Friday with regret and dread, admonishing myself for overindulging on turkey day. I had no intention to get that tipsy. Apparently, someone filled my glass when I wasn't looking. (Insert eye-rolling here).

2021 marks my fourth Thanksgiving as a proud sober woman.

If I was able to quit drinking — you certainly can, too. Why am I so confident? The answer is — I drank alcohol for over 50 years. Mind-boggling, I know.

Both my parents were alcoholics. I have a sibling who also is addicted — however happily sober for 15 years. There are other family members, I suspect, also dependent on this intoxicant.

This year at noon, I filled my crystal goblet with sparkling apple juice diluted with club soda. This cocktail is usually served to the children, but now it was a welcome treat for me.

I stuffed that bird with a feeling of relief and gratitude because I had zero desire for alcohol.

My husband continues to enjoy cocktails and wine. I'm no longer bothered by this. And I'm relieved that it's not an enticement.

I am responsible only for myself and am thrilled to be taking such good care of this one body and soul I have.

Sobriety is not a limitation. It’s a superpower. — Brene’ Brown, U.S. writer and professor.

Many of you can savor having a glass of wine or a cocktail and have no interest in a second one. Or you could have a second one and not finish it. Remarkable to me.

There were times I'd wished I had that ability — to take it or leave it. Unfortunately, I'm one of those who doesn't possess an "off switch" when alcohol is involved.

For many years I was lost in the undertow of alcohol. Its pull is powerful and relentless. Or perhaps I was weak?

After a few years into retirement, I knew something had to change as the cocktail hour began earlier and earlier. And my life was getting smaller and smaller.

It took two years of reading various books on quitting the addiction to alcohol before I finally committed to free myself. Cocktails and wine — once a pleasure had become a millstone that was crushing the life out of me.

The freedom and joy I now experience daily are glorious feelings I would not exchange for the finest glass of wine or the most delicious cocktail.

My life has become more expansive — it's productive and filled with creative projects and achievable dreams. I possess a joy and sense of freedom I did not expect to receive by quitting drinking.

If you suspect that your drinking habit is taking more from you than you're getting, the time may be now to take a deep and honest look at your life and what you want to attain.

I assure you — you'll be exceedingly grateful and delighted that you did.

Here's How to Cultivate a Gratitude Practice in 5 Easy Steps

Simple everyday gratitude is required to make a life worth living. 

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Hooray! I’m here for another glorious never-before-lived day!

Beginning each day with a guided meditation awakens not only me — but gratitude that I’m alive.

I discovered Vedic Master teacher and author DavidJi through my explorations for guided meditations. DavidJi hosts empowerment workshops worldwide and is the author of three global best-selling books. 

Though impressive, the reason I love meditating with him is his heartfelt belief that meditation heals and gratitude makes life worth living. These are ideas I value, as well.

Here is his advice about developing a gratitude practice.

Five steps for cultivating a gratitude practice

1.  Take stock — by counting our blessings.
2. Practice acts of kindness.
3. Practice positivity in all of our thoughts, words, and actions.
4. Awaken forgiveness — allowing forgiveness to enfold us in every moment.
5. Celebrate the blessings, savor life’s joys.

My heart is filled with the desire to be a better human when I contemplate these five steps. 

By counting our blessings, we realize how fortunate we are. Some days I may feel a bit down because of a disagreement with hubby. I may feel sorry for myself and dwell on our differences. When I tell myself — stop this nonsense and look at all the goodness in our relationship — my mood changes instantly from low to high. It’s almost miraculous.

If we make a habit of practicing kindness — not only would the recipient feel the love, we would, too.

As we know, kindness can be as minor as smiling at a stranger to an action a bit grander such as preparing and delivering dinner to an ill neighbor.

Sure, practicing positivity in ALL our thoughts, words, and actions may take a Herculean effort — but consider how joyful we would feel if we followed through with this one.

It’s easy to feel optimistic when things are going well. Not so simple when our day is challenging. Once again, reflecting on all that is good in our lives can shift our day into an uplifting one.

Awaken forgiveness. Hmm, you mean even for the horrible expletives my ex bellowed at me during our difficult years together? Yup. Forgiveness will erase, among other emotions, resentment and hostility from our hearts.

And, celebrating and savoring all the blessings and joys in our lives will fill us with gratitude. After all, we weren’t put on earth to suffer. We are here to learn and experience joy.

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Going deeper into the five realms in which to be grateful —  identify one aspect in each area to be thankful. 

• Physical body
• Emotional realm — all the emotions we have — for what am I grateful?
• Material realm — what of my possessions, treasures in my life am I thankful for?
• Relationships — what am I appreciative of in my relationships — a particular one or something that touches all of them?
• Spiritual realm — what in my connection to source, spirit, God do I have to be grateful? 

It can be so easy to take for granted that our body functions every day without even wondering how our hearts beat without our direction. Or that we have a kind, loving spouse or a cozy home to share with our loved ones. 

Suppose we follow the five steps and regularly identify an area in one of the five realms, acknowledging and being grateful for all we have. In that case, our lives and happiness will be profoundly affected.

Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough, and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos into order, confusion to clarity. It can turn a meal into a feast, a house into a home, a stranger into a friend. Gratitude makes sense of of our past, brings peace for today, and creates a vision for tomorrow. — Melody Beattie, author of self-help books.

Let’s not forget how blessed we are — that we have another day. Not everyone gets one.