Compromise plays a significant role in our successful relationships.
How are your relationships faring? Are you muddling along or thriving? Often we carry on and settle.
My first serious boyfriend
My high school boyfriend was a cutie and sweet — six foot 4, nice build, with curly brown hair. We dated our senior year and first two years of college.
He and I were “pinned” — what one did when in a relationship and part of a fraternity in those days.
The next step would have been to get engaged, and as soon as Bill began talking about it, I knew I wasn’t ready. Too darn young. Plus, he had been my “first.”
Playing the field
I wanted to experience life, new guys, nightclubs, everything life had to offer a curious twenty-something woman. My only recourse was to break it off.
I had a ball the next five or six years or so. I dated, went to clubs, danced the nights away — while having a fabulous, memorable time.
Let’s get married
Marriage came next, of course. In those days, if we weren’t married by our mid 20’s, it indicated something was off. Many of us rushed into it — pressured by parents or friends. We often felt it was the thing to do.
Many of those marriages ended in divorce — mine included.
Bill and I checked in a couple of times after our failed first marriages. Few of those early marriages survived ten years.
We occasionally saw one another — either one or the other of us wasn’t interested in picking up the relationship again. We were happy to remain friends.
Reuniting
Four full decades elapsed before we got together again. Did we think — perhaps there could be something to rekindle?
Rekindle we did.
One minor issue — we lived in different states. I was in California, he in Arizona.
I loved Northern California. My sons were born and raised there. I lived there for over 40 years and had my boys, sister, and many friends there.
Bill lived in Arizona for 40 years and also had significant ties to his home.
We decided to make Arizona our primary residence since Bill had a large home, pool, and yard. I had already downsized to a small apartment that we decided to keep for my frequent visits to CA.
Coming full circle
We have now been together for over eight years, married four. We never expected this to happen—what a pleasant surprise for both of us.
His sisters were my friends way back when and Bill always liked my family. Such a joy to have those relationships back in our lives again.
There are challenges, for sure. We were youngsters when we dated. Now we are full-grown adults with well-worn habits, quirks, and preferences.
We have had careers, borne and raised children, and are now comfortably retired.
Learning to compromise
Meshing our well-established lives can be a test of internal fortitude at times. Not that either one of us is stubborn — it’s just that my way is better!
And, of course, Bill believes his way is the only way.
Yet, we work it out with compromise as the answer.
What I have noticed in long-term marriages of friends is that they grew together. Ok, not all of them — some were together many years then split and called it irreconcilable differences.
However, the marriages that lasted decades were when the partners grew in the same direction with their ideals and visions. Both belonged to the same political party, religion, enjoyed many similar activities, such as watching football together or traveling.
Not with Bill and I. He is conservative, I liberal. I love to travel — he’s had enough of it. He loves TV; I adore reading. I love being physically active — hiking and playing pickleball. I appreciate the arts — visiting museums and galleries, botanical gardens, and such. He’s a typical couch potato with no remorse or guilt.
Still, we’re able to make it work. Compromise is the answer, once again.
Is it frustrating? Heck yeah.
Bill prefers I hang out with him more, yet understands that I must be busy and lively to be happy. I also need to have my quiet time.
I set aside lunchtime for us to eat together and the dinner hour; of course, we are together. I spend the following two hours after our meal watching shows we both enjoy.
I also have learned to enjoy watching golf on TV— something I never thought I would do. It feels good to share this with him. I now know who the top players are and root for them right along with Bill.
Yes, it is possible to have a peaceful union with disparate views. We’re learning that being “right” is unimportant. Being content is the ultimate goal.
Compromise is the name of the game for a happy marriage and a peaceful life.
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