This can be as heartwrenching as breaking up with a lover.
Molly and I have been friends for over 25 years. She stood by me through a difficult divorce. She called me every day after my son, Anthony, died.
I was at her side rooting, encouraging, and reading the manuscript for her book. I was there through all her physical difficulties, surgeries and recoveries. I supported Molly through her emotional hardships with one of her closest relatives.
We were loyal and faithful friends through the years.
Even though Molly was a dear and trusted friend, she could be demanding at times. I often found it challenging to set boundaries with her and frequently consented to keep the peace.
I’m sure she had her complaints about me.
Of course, we didn’t always see eye to eye. It’s natural as we’re individuals with separate opinions.
The breakup
We met for lunch at her usual choice even though I suggested another restaurant. She insisted on her favorite. Okay, not a big deal.
We talked about my youth, and she vehemently disagreed with what I said. I tried to explain that perhaps what I said didn’t make sense to her, but it was part of my experience as a teenager.
Molly continued to insist I was wrong though we didn’t know one another back then. I asked her to please stop as I was near tears. Finally, she did.
We said our goodbyes, both feeling somewhat unsettled.
I tried to let it go and called her a few days later. She didn’t pick up but instead texted, “I need some time.”
Really? I thought I was the one who was upset.
Back-and-forth texts burned through our phones.
We couldn’t agree on what had occurred. Molly insisted I was verbally lashing out at her. I explained that I was defending myself against her.
After several days of this, I said — enough.
"Blame is irrelevant, if only because it changes nothing. "— Aryn Kyle, The God of Animals.
Relief
I was confused yet determined I would stand my ground and not give in and apologize for something I didn’t do.
An unexpected feeling of relief swept over me.
Friendships take time and work, and I’ve always been one to keep up my end. Molly did the same.
Yet this feeling of release brought on a sense of freedom.
Do I miss her? Yes. Molly was a huge part of my life, as was her husband.
Amends?
Do I want to make amends? I’m not sure. Yet, I know I will not call her. I’m not being pigheaded about this, just standing up for myself.
If Molly calls me, I will speak to her and allow her back into my life, knowing we will never resume our friendship as it was before.
I will be cordial and kind, but the trust has been broken.
I still care about her, and our breakup leaves a hole. Yet, I understand that there are times we must move on and let go.
There is a quote:
"People come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime. "— Anonymous.
Molly and I believed it would be a lifetime. However, perhaps it was for a reason.
I was there for her when she needed me, and she supported me through many difficulties. We also had many fun times together.
Some friendships fade away naturally. Those may be missed but are not painful.
This one hurts, and I know Molly hurts, too. We will heal.
We change. Others change, too.
I’ll leave this friendship with dignity and clarity, knowing that this is a way I’m taking care of myself.
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