We all experienced emotions we'd rather not have — but if you're alive, there's no alternative.
Fear. Grief. Guilt. Insecurity. And their many cousins — frustration, loneliness, anger, and shame. Oh yes, then there's resentment, spite, and sadness.
Sounds overwhelming, doesn't it.
Do you tend to run from these feelings? Or stuff them? Resist them, perhaps?
Attempt to drink or drug them away?
In the past, I drank some of these emotions away. Or instead attempted to. Other times shopping for unneeded items felt like a way to escape uncomfortable feelings.
Do you accept your challenging sentiments? Maybe even observe them with curiosity?
Resistance
There's a saying I remember hearing for years, and it speaks the truth:
What you resist, persists. — Carl Jung, Swiss psychologist.
If you resist your emotions, they will not only persist but may enlarge, drawing energy into the resistance cycle, thus producing more resistance and problems.
Hiding, covering up, or denying your feelings is what resisting means.
I'm sure I've experienced all of the trying emotions I've mentioned at one point or another in my life. I've lived a long life.
What about you? Can you recall enduring these difficult conditions of the heart and mind? I know you have.
* * 8
My oldest son, Anthony, died six and a half years ago at age 36 due to complications of ulcerative colitis.
Pain, anger, confusion, frustration, and grief were all emotions I had to face. Oh, and guilt.
As mothers, we think there is always something else we could have done.
Those of you who have lost a beloved know of where I speak.
Anthony was an adventurer, sailor, fisherman, and lobsterman. This beautiful soul also experienced myriad emotions in his short, bold, and brave life.
* * *
Acceptance
We need to allow these challenging emotions and acknowledge and observe them, not ignore, resist or numb ourselves to them.
Everyone has experienced challenging times. We must get to the other side; the only way is through. I know you've heard that before, and it's because it is a truism.
We need to feel every emotion before we can release it. The pain won't resolve until we turn toward it, not away.
And what happens when you get to the other side?
You're stronger, more resilient. You learn from your emotions. You emerge forever changed by them.
Some of these emotions will stay with you forever, as in my grief over Anthony's death. A parent doesn't recover from a child's passing.
We must stay open to what our complex life issues can teach us. We learn to accept it and grow from it.
We miss our beloved departed forever, and that love makes us more compassionate and grateful for every moment. That is, if we allow ourselves to truly feel and integrate the emotion.
Anger, fear, resentment, jealousy — admit you are feeling these emotions. Don't shy away from them or feel ashamed. Face them, and you will become stronger by dealing with them head-on.
Once you feel them, you will understand them. You will be able to discover the source. Some emotions, such as grief, are clear where they stem from. Others are not so obvious.
You will also develop a strength you didn't know you were capable of having. You will own your power.
All emotions are part of the human experience. They're normal. You are "normal."
Our fears, ignorance, misunderstandings, and insecurities are what bring on the emotions.
Remember, these emotions are the result of our circumstances. Often trauma from childhood or a relationship, illness, or anxiety will cause these emotions to appear.
Your life circumstances will be easier to deal with as you have conquered what may have been holding you back.
I'm not saying this is going to be easy. Many things worth achieving are difficult.
You have mastered many challenges in your life — you can explore your emotions, question them and ultimately find peace.
Please seek help from a therapist if you find this confrontation is too hard to face alone.
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