How is it working for you?
I tend to be a tad self-critical. Not in all things, only the things that are important to me. At the moment, it happens to be writing.
At the encouragement of a friend, I began a blog at the end of 2018. Strong55plus.blogspot.com became a hobby for me. No stress. Easy peasy.
Along came my creative writing partner, who encouraged me to submit posts to Medium. I was intimidated. By this time, I was a dedicated reader of Medium’s top authors, and I knew I could not live up to their expertise. They are one diverse, talented group of writers. Who do I think I am? I’m a novice. You may have taken notice.
I was bombarding myself with negativity: I have never taken a writing course, I did not excel in English, I’m not sure I even know how to punctuate correctly. On and on, the bombs exploded in my brain. Yet my cohort, Meg, practically dared me to submit a piece.
I clicked “Publish” on January 26, 2021 — to An Organized Route to Creativity with trepidation and trembling fingers. My “serious” writing career was born with that baby!
I now have 25 articles hanging out on Medium. My judgments have diminished somewhat, yet not entirely. Acknowledging and reminding myself that I’m a rookie helps ease the discomfort.
I had a negligible number of views on the first few posts yet was thrilled someone was reading them. The number has dwindled to almost nothing, and the censoring in my head ratcheted up once again.
I was reading that most of the more skilled authors’ also had fewer readers, and there was a reduction in the number of claps and followers. Suddenly I was saved. It wasn’t solely me and my inept writing. Something else was going on. There were complaints that Medium is operating differently. I was granted a reprieve.
Although I may be critical regarding my writing — I also love it. I love learning, the growth I’m experiencing, the pleasure I feel after reading my text. The pride that I’ve stepped outside my comfort zone once again.
When I sit down at the computer to begin a new post, my enthusiasm is bubbling over; I can hardly wait to start. The ideas flow. My fingers are flying over the keyboard. There is not one iota of criticism present when I’m actively composing. I’m falling in love with writing just as I fell in love with reading as a young child. I’m in heaven.
Then, the dreaded editing phase descends upon me. Suddenly, I’m at a loss. I see where corrections are needed, yet the deletion, addition, cleaning up, and polishing befuddles me. Change this, leave that alone, add more detail here; it’s all so confounding, frustrating, and degrading.
Revising is unsettling because I doubt myself. But, I soldier on, and the finished product is not half-bad. The piece goes off to my dear creative writing partner, and Meg shines it up a bit more for me with her cunning and artful eye.
The innermost belief for everyone I have worked with is: ‘I’m not good enough.’ — According to Louise Hay, author of You Can Heal Your Life and internationally known leader in the New Age movement.
I do recognize that as a fledgling writer, I have oodles to learn and am looking forward to it. With more practice and less criticism, I will be successful. I’m marching on.
According to the website Good Therapy: Self-criticism can be beneficial when it allows for acknowledging and assessing mistakes and failures or the cultivation of humility and positive change. But when one’s self-critical tendencies impede the ability to thrive, any benefits of self-criticism may be overshadowed by possible harm to mental well-being.
I will take this advice to heart and from now on be kinder and more gentle with myself. That is not to say I’m not kind to myself or aware of the importance of self-kindness; it’s simply not something I practice enough. Thriving is what I seek in all realms of my life.
My favorite new sport, pickleball, is another area in which I tend to beat myself up.
I’m playing with a fantastic group of women; some are more advanced in the game than I, some are less. My problem lies in the moments I believe I should play better — I miss a shot, hit the ball out of the court, or foolishly have forgotten the score. I silently (and sometimes loudly) berate myself. I thought this was common until one of my pickleball buddies pointed out how hard I am on myself and how that behavior affects my game — resulting in inferior play. If I acknowledged that the shot was an error and got over it, I’d be a more skilled and confident player.
Bob Iger, the Executive Chairman of Disney, in an interview with Oprah, said he believes in the pursuit of perfection, not to be more successful but to be better at what he does. He went on to say; that perfection is not being perfect — it’s not giving up.
Do you find that you are hard on yourself? Do you expect to be perfect? Long to excel at something right out of the gate? I’m not a fool. I know, with patience and work, I’ll improve at whatever I attempt, be it pickleball or writing. It’s in the moment that I don’t manage to apply that knowledge.
Loving the self begins with never ever criticizing ourselves for anything. Criticism locks us into the very pattern we are trying to change. Understanding and being gentle with ourselves helps us to move out of it. You have been criticizing yourself for years, and it hasn’t worked. Try approving of yourself and see what happens. — Louise Hay.
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