All I Wanted Was for Him To Love Me

 And this longing turned me into a people-pleaser.

Photo by Larm Rmah on Unsplash

I tried tirelessly to please him. I wanted to make him happy. A slight smile or an inkling of acknowledgment would have made my day.

I wanted desperately for him to love me.

No, he wasn’t my lover. He was my father.

A people-pleaser

Here I am in the Third Third of my life, and I can still remember the pain of non-acceptance.

As a child, this was disheartening, but this non-acceptance colored my relationships with others.

I learned how to be a people-pleaser. At times, I even attempted to be friendly with those I didn’t particularly care for. 

It wasn’t a horrible misstep when I was young, yet as an adult, it was disingenuous.

I woke up

I learned early on in adulthood that this behavior did not serve anyone. I learned to be honest and polite but no longer say, do or agree with anyone simply to please them.

Fortunately, I saw the disservice I was doing to myself and my self-esteem, and that it was unfair to the receiver of my phony approval.

There are times, even today, that this need to please others creeps back in. I must be diligent and stay in my integrity.

I have learned to say, “I’m not able to do that” when asked for a favor or receive an invitation I’d rather decline.

I’ve also learned that my father did love me. He loved me the way his parents loved him, I suspect.

He was unable to give praise or compliments even when well-deserved.

I was raised in the days when “spare the rod, spoil the child” was the rule.

This was the parents’ way of raising children to be strong and resilient.

Luckily, I learned this was not the right way to raise kind, loving, and compassionate children.

I raised my boys to respect people — of all ages. To be considerate, thoughtful, and honest humans.

They had chores and responsibilities from an early age, which gave them a sense of competence, value, and integrity. No people-pleasing for them.

Valuing and knowing how to nurture and support ourselves is one of life’s lessons and gifts.

Be kind to others but not at the risk of losing yourself.