How does our childhood affect our lives today?
My father was a hardworking man who provided for my mom, three siblings, and myself. He provided financially, period.
Seldom were words of kindness, encouragement, or affection bestowed by him.
Quite the contrary. My father was an unhappy man. When we children came along, he gave up his aspirations to be a fine artist, an oil painter.
He took his disappointment and frustrations out on my sister and me. We were one year apart and were inseparable for most of our youth.
Dad would stop off at the local tavern for a drink or two after work to ease the transition into home life.
More times than not, he was angry at an issue that occurred at work, and sis and I were the convenient targets of his wrath.
He’d find a reason to be furious with us — a bicycle carelessly dropped on the lawn, we failed to finish raking the endless autumn leaves — always something.
His belt would come off; he ordered us to bend over and lash our backs and behinds with it.
For me, the physical pain was awful, but the humiliation of the strikes was what was heartbreaking.
Many decades have passed, dad has been dead almost 30 years, yet the memories arise from time to time.
What I withstood is minor compared to what others endured.
* * *
Dr. Vincent Felitti, the founder of the Department of Preventive Medicine at Kaiser Permanente, dedicated his career to helping obese patients lower their health risks.
Through his work, he discovered that most overweight men and women had endured childhood abuse at the hands of caretakers — either physical, emotional, or sexual. Some suffered the loss of a parent through death or divorce, incarceration, or one suffering from addiction.
He worked to find a cure for obesity, yet his research finds that the scars run deep for children who have encountered abuse and are often numbed by alcohol, food, or drugs in adulthood.
There is secrecy and shame connected to this mistreatment. Not only do we numb ourselves because of our addictions, but this addiction leads to more shame.
Alcohol, like food, is socially acceptable and legal — and readily available, unlike drugs. Thus, alcoholism tends to be the addiction of choice for many of us.
Most of us are aware that childhood trauma led to our alcohol misuse. Understanding this can be the doorway to our sobriety.
Childhood trauma is obviously, not the only reason men and women become addicted. There are myriad causes, but that is not this article.
The work to attain sobriety may not be easier because we understand the cause. However, understanding why we picked up a drink and continued imbibing for years or decades can assuage some shame.
Releasing shame and forgiving everyone involved is a blessing.
"You can recognize survivors of abuse by their courage. When silence is so very inviting, they step forward and share their truth so that others know they aren’t alone. "— Jeanne McElvaney, Healing Insights: Effects of Abuse for Adults Abused as Children.
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