Thanksgiving

I wish my readers a happy and blessed Thanksgiving Day. I am so grateful for the four years I have been writing and you have been gracious enough to read my work. I'm encountering difficulties with Blogspot and may discontinue my blog. Please go to Medium.com to continue to read my work. I publish there five to six days a week, so there is always something new to read. Medium allows several articles a week read without a fee. To access unlimited articles posted by all the writers the monthly charge is $5.00. Thank you for your continued support. Love and blessings to all. Diana Leotta

Spreading Kindness

 Making the world a better place, one small kind act at a time.

Photo by Ditto Bowo on Unsplash

Shaquille O’Neal has a history of “under-the-radar” kindness. I read an article written by sports writer George Diaz about this basketball legend.

Shaq has a jewelry line at Zales in Atlanta and was recently spotted picking up the tab for an engagement ring a shy young man wanted to pay off.

Another of his recent acts of kindness was when a woman was attempting to purchase furniture for her autistic daughter. Shaq stepped in and paid for it.

He also paid for Louisville football signee Dexter Rentz's complete funeral expenses after he died in a shooting in Orlando. Shaq’s random act of kindness included a horse-drawn carriage and a custom-made casket.

Shaquille gives away turkeys at Thanksgiving, Shaqsgiving, and toys at Christmas, Shaq-a-Claus. Such generous, creative fun!

According to reporter Diaz:

It’s not an act. It’s who he is.

Shaq is an inspiring example for children and humans of every age.

We may not have the funds to match this type of kindness, yet there is never a shortage of kind deeds and charity we can contribute.

My son doesn’t believe in handing out cash to folks who stand looking for a hand-out on street corners in the city, assuming the money may go towards liquor or drugs. He prefers to distribute protein bars instead, a simple act of kindness.

You cannot save people. You can only love them. — Anai Nin.

Along the same lines, my friends Mia and Dennis leave their suburban home on Christmas Eve to go to the Tenderloin district in San Francisco and purchase and distribute dozens of sandwiches to the homeless. An admirable act of generosity, goodwill, and sharing during the holiday season.

Photo by Matt Collamer on Unsplash

I recently visited a long-time friend diagnosed with Mild Cognitive Disorder, and it appears it has progressed into the beginning stages of Alzheimer’s. Her family is highly concerned about her, wondering if she is eating enough, as her weight has dropped. Is she safe living alone? What about her driving? Is that something that should be under closer scrutiny?

My role, I decided, was to be her friend during our visit. I did not monitor her meals, exercise, or any of the nuances of her daily life that troubles her family. If she repeated herself multiple times, I acted as though it was the first time she stated it. I patiently explained the circumstances when she could not recall an event we shared.

We spent two days and one evening enjoying our time together. Consequently, we had a wonderful experience, reminiscing about our friendship as well as the special bond our sons had growing up together.

You may think what I did with my friend was what anyone would do. I call it kindness because her daughter phoned me the following day to report that her mom was happier and more animated than she had been in many months. Our time together re-invigorated her. It is always kind when one has brought joy to another.

It is easy to “clap” for a story on Medium if it speaks to us. Such a little thing, perhaps — not so little to the author. At least not to this author, and I suspect many authors on this platform would agree.

Holding a door open for a stranger, giving a few dollars to a homeless person, tipping the barista a bit more than expected — all acts that could bring a smile to their faces and cost us very little.

Along with millions of Americans, I volunteer countless hours to causes we believe in — and this is a charitable gesture. However, what may be even more meaningful are the little acts of kindness that may go unnoticed every day, such as those I have mentioned.

These kindnesses are what make the world go round.

I love witnessing little acts of care and consideration bestowed by others every day. Noticing these blessings multiplies the effect; a charitable deed benefits everyone. Plus, kindness is contagious.

How wonderful it is that nobody need wait a single moment before starting to improve the world. — Anne Frank.

Diana Leotta

Retired from work, not from life. Musings on Life, Living and Learning. Always curious. Strong55plus@blogspot.com.

Blog Trouble

I'm having difficulties once again publishing my latest post. Thanks for bearing with me.

How Will You Handle It When Suddenly Your Honey Is Failing to Keep Up With His Chores?

 Figure out why then take control?

Photo by Laura Ohlman on Unsplash

Sprinklers are shooting into the street while our lawn is turning brown. He's "working" on it. "Honey, call the sprinkler guys — they'll fix it in a jiffy."

He replies that it's a simple fix, and he can do it. Weeks pass; we're supplementing with hand watering with a hose.

Two of our cars need oil changes. Simple right? Not to my hubby. He has a coupon to get both changed for a good deal. Great. So make the appointment.

Several weeks, then months later, a bit of nagging. Still, saying ok but no action.

I tell him I will take mine, and he can deal with his, and he gets upset. He insists we don't drive them very much.

He says we'll take them together to take advantage of the special rate. Eye roll on my part. Patience.

Our little sports car is overdue for emissions. I attempt to bring it in. Battery dead. Several weeks later, honey gets a new battery. It is sitting on the garage floor, collecting dust.

The registration for this car expired in January.

More chores need attention—no point belaboring it.

I suspect cognitive issues — he refuses to believe it and won't get tested.

Sleepless nights

I awoke at 2:30 a.m. today with these ongoing chores on my mind. Finally, at 4 a.m. I gave up on sleep and created a list of the top 10 issues we need to handle. I will either take over the reins or supervise.

I feel much better, and writing this article also brings relief.

I hadn't wanted to take over as these previously were chores he liked to attend to.

Hubby is having problems. We are the same age but hugely dissimilar in many ways.

I exercise vigorously six days a week; he does nada.

I'm fit (for a retiree in her seventh decade), and my weight is suitable for my height.

I don't take any medications and gave up alcohol four years ago.

Suffice it to say; that he hasn't kept up.

I read voraciously and write daily. Hubby reads the newspaper — yay!

My point is — he is declining more rapidly than I due to his lifestyle, so I must take over.

Changes are coming

My days usually consist of exercise first thing to get my Golden, Merlin, and me out the door early. Next up, a light breakfast, and then I'm off to play pickleball for a couple of hours.

Lunch with hubby, then chores. Afternoons I write from two to four-thirty or five.

That is the heartbreaker — I will have to cut back on my writing. It may be a temporary pause — hopefully, not long-term.

There are only so many hours in the day, and for me to handle all that we have neglected will take time.

Still, I will write when I can and report on my progress.

Previously, I was posting on Medium.com six days a week. We shall see what the future brings.

I'm glad I'm healthy and willing to pick up where my husband is no longer able.

Everyone will come to a point in their relationships where we must pivot to keep the status quo as much in place as possible.

Look at how many changes we've already made in our lives.

Some of us made massive changes during recovery — either through addiction, Covid, or other illnesses.

Many had children to raise and then became empty nesters. Often, we've had a loved one die.

These are huge shifts, and we handled them with as much grace as we could muster.

When that is no longer possible, we will take the next step. And then the next. So is the process of life.

I look forward to the steps that are on the horizon.

Blog Temporarily Disconnected

I am having difficulty publishing my latest posts. Unfortunately, it is hard to obtain help from Google. I will update as soon as I have more details as to what has gone awry. Thank you. Diana Leotta

Still Drinking? — Check Out These Disturbing Short and Long-Term Effects of Alcohol on Your Brain

 These are enough to scare the bejeebers out of you — proceed at your own risk.

Do you still enjoy your cocktails, beer, or wine? If so — read on.

I’ve been doing a bit of research because of concerns I have about my buddy, Bob.

Bob is a dear friend who has been a long-time drinker. A very long time — since high school. He is in the eighth decade of his life and still indulging.

He admires me for being alcohol-free yet says it’s not for him as he’s been drinking too long and enjoys it too much to give it up.

I’ve been paying more attention when we get together as he seems to be aging rapidly — physically and mentally.

Bob also has angry outbursts if I should challenge him in any area. He takes everything personally and gets defensive.

He also likes to place the “blame” for any misunderstanding or mistake on someone else. It’s never his doing.

These challenging behaviors have arisen in the past few years, changing this once jolly man into a not-so-pleasant guy to be around at times.

More recently, I’ve noticed Bob is often forgetful and repeats himself.

Let’s get right to it.

Short-Term Effects of Alcohol on the Brain

• Memory impairment begins right from the onset of the drinking cycle and becomes increasingly worse as you consume higher quantities.
• Partial Blackout — These happen with a small amount of alcohol intake. You forget people’s names or essential information.
• Complete Blackout — This is a total impairment of your cognition and judgment. You need others to tell you what transpired when you went into the blackout. This can be frightening as you cannot recall even a single instance during the blackout period.

These blackouts occur because the level of alcohol in the blood rises too fast. The amount you drink, your body weight, and whether you had an empty stomach while drinking are all factors that can contribute to a blackout.

Long-Term Effects of Alcohol on the Brain

• There is the potential development of physiological dependence — a state or condition in which a person experiences physical and psychological withdrawal symptoms and cravings if they stop drinking or significantly lower the amount of alcohol in their body.
• They are at risk of developing an AUD (alcohol use disorder or alcoholism) — a brain disease characterized by a struggle to limit drinking despite significant adverse results.
• Alcohol exacerbates underlying mental health disorders.
• Alcohol affects the brain centers and is responsible for accelerating the natural chronological aging — causing premature aging.
• Alcoholism is associated with poor dietary habits resulting in thiamine deficiency. Inadequate levels of this vitamin cause deep brain damage that is mainly responsible for severe cognitive deficits.
• Alcoholism disrupts the normal mechanisms of the front lobe, damaging cells associated with problem-solving abilities.
• Heavy drinkers are three times more likely to develop dementia than the rest of the population. Dementia is a classical consequence of alcohol-related brain damage.

Alcohol kills brain cells. This is heartbreaking.

Alcohol brain damage is reversible, according to research. The goal is to have the person withdraw from alcohol. Depending on the severity of the problem — it may be wise to do this under the supervision of a professional in the alcohol rehab field.

I would not want Bob to try it on his own after many years of drinking.

I am not a professional. I’m a former drinker with a dear friend I believe is in danger.

Thanks to AmericanAddictionCenters.org and Alcorehab.org for the information given above.

Please seek professional help or call the National Drug and Alcohol Treatment Hotline at 1–800–662-HELP (4357), your primary care physician, or an alcohol rehab facility.

Your life is at stake, as is the health of your brain.

What Can Stephen King’s Passion for Alcohol and Writing Teach You About Courage and Determination?

This man went through hell and is here to talk about it.

I am in love with Stephen King. Not in a sense, I want him romantically — but I adore the person he is. I am smitten with his humor, honesty, wit, passion, and courage.

Despite my fondness for the writer, I was not a fan of his books. I read The Shining and Cujo at the coaxing of a good friend, a faithful follower. 

However, both novels scared the hell out of me, and I haven’t picked up another fiction of his again. 

Since submitting articles to Medium, I have been eager to learn all I can about writing. 

I was not an English major, nor had I taken creative writing classes. I’m a rookie in the Third Third of my life, retired, and enjoying telling my story and those of others.

My son, Nick, enjoys writing, too, and had Stephen King’s non-fiction/memoir On Writing on his bookshelf. I borrowed it and read it nightly until my sleepy eyes closed.

King’s truthfulness in sharing his life is why I am now a fan.

Alcohol

Stephen started drinking in his senior year of high school. By the time he was in his early 30s, he had considered himself an alcoholic.

His home state of Maine enacted a returnable-bottle law. Stephen began a recycling bin in his garage, where he tossed his empty beer cans. 

He had this to say about it:

"One Thursday night I went out there to toss in a few dead soldiers and saw that this container, which had been empty on Monday night, was now almost full. And since I was the only one in the house who drank Miller Lite — Holy shit, I’m an alcoholic, I thought, and there was no dissenting opinion from inside my head — I was, after all, the guy who had written The Shining without even realizing (at least until that night) that I was writing about myself."

The Shining’s main character was an alcoholic. Stephen was deep into the depths of his drinking when he wrote it.

King continued drinking for many years and managed to write a number of books that became top sellers.

He loved his booze and felt he couldn’t live without it.

King was tortured by his drinking and drug addiction, yet didn’t know how to stop or ask for help. Stephen’s mother raised him to keep his problems to himself.

Writing was Stephen’s salvation and a way to speak of his dependence.

He speaks this of his writing:

"It began to scream for help in the only way it knew how, through my fiction and through my monsters. In late 1985 and early 1986 I wrote Misery (the title quite aptly described my state of mind)…

In the spring and summer of 1986 I wrote The Tommyknockers, often working until midnight with my heart running at a hundred and thirty beats a minute and cotton swabs stuck up my nose to stem the coke-induced bleeding."

He steadfastly continued writing, drinking, and using until his wife, Tabitha, called an intervention with their children and friends present.

Stephen didn’t think he could survive without his addiction, yet he also knew he couldn’t live without his wife, whom he cherished.

His love for her won, and King entered rehab and has been sober for 33 years.

Writing

Stephen King wrote his first story and submitted it to Spacemen magazine, promptly rejecting it. His second story wasn’t — In a Half-World of Terror was published in a horror magazine. He was in his teens when his writing career began.

King went on to publish 61 novels and five non-fiction books.

I love what he has to say about ideas and writing:

"Let’s get one thing clear right now, shall we? There is no Idea Dump, no Story Central, no Island of the Buried Bestsellers; good story ideas seem to come quite literally from nowhere, sailing at you right out of the empty sky: two previously unrelated ideas come together and make something new under the sun. Your job isn’t to find these ideas but to recognize them when they show up."

How many times has an idea entered your head, and your first thought was — gee, this is interesting. I could write an article about this.

On Writing

I was enthralled with the first half of the book, where King shares his struggles with addictions, his love of writing, his family, and recovery.

Those escapades are worth a book unto themselves.

The second half gives us clear-cut writing tips. As I read, I jotted down notes. Most of King’s advice is about good storytelling — not my forte, yet he gives many suggestions adaptable to blogging and online articles. 

His tips aren’t unique, as we’ve read them somewhere before. Perhaps, the authors borrowed them from King.

King approaches this part of the book with two theses:

"The first is that good writing consists of mastering the fundamentals (vocabulary, grammar, the elements of style)…The second is that while it is impossible to make a competent writer out of a bad writer, and while it is equally impossible to make a great writer out of a good one, it is possible, with lots of hard work, dedication, and timely help, to make a good writer out of a merely competent one."

Stephen is dismayed that many critics and writing teachers say that writing ability is fixed and immutable; once a hack, always a hack. 

In other words — don’t believe this crap. We can turn our competent writing into good writing. 

 King advises if we want to be a writer, we must do two things — read a lot and write a lot.

How much constitutes a lot? He suggests four to six hours a day of reading and writing. He adds if we enjoy doing these things, it will be easy.

It’s critical that you love to write. King also adds if you don’t want to work your ass off, you have no business trying to write well. It’ll never happen.

King likes to write ten pages a day. He writes in the mornings and saves his reading for the evenings. 

Top ideas

There is so much information contained in On Writing that I could write a ten-page article. I don’t have the stamina for that. 

Here are my top takeaways:

• Keep your paragraphs short. The longer the paragraph, the more daunting the reading appears.
• Keep your words simple. Sure we love to use big words or dress up the simple ones. Don’t. The first word that comes to mind is the best in most cases.
• No or limited adverbs — if the word ends with ly as in interestingly — omit it.
• Keep your writing honest. Tell your story, be vulnerable. Readers love that and will thank you and learn from it.
• Know your Ideal Reader. King talks about his wife’s ruthlessness — she was his I.R. and gave him necessary feedback. You must know who you are writing for.

That’s it for writing.

Determination and Courage

Stephen King was hit by a van while out walking in Maine. He almost lost his life. He underwent numerous operations and resumed his writing several weeks after being hit.

That is tenacity, determination, and courage.

He found sobriety from drugs and alcohol — overcoming a severe addiction to various substances. His determination to save his marriage and himself is admirable. 

Stephen King writes every day — including his birthday, Christmas, and the Fourth of July, even though he says he takes these days off. He was only kidding.

This man and his book On Writing brought a smile to my lips and inspired me to keep writing.

Keep learning, being curious, and exploring our world. Keep reading and writing.